6 Simple Steps For Moving On ASAP

It’s not easy to move on and forget someone whom you have known for quite some time and shared intimate moments with. But it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to minimize the damage to your poor soul to move on and have a fabulous life ASAP if you apply the same principle: Reduce the significance. Don’t give anyone the full power to your heart. If you did, take it back, turn your fat ass, and walk away. Shhh. I know, it’s tough. You’re an emotional, sensitive, and delicate creature and definitely not a heartless bitch (although everyone knows that you secretly wish you could be so because duh, it’s fun to make that bitch face and those so-called I dun care statements while going around breaking dudes’ hearts like breaking their necks). But that’s why I’m here to tell you how.

1. No over-sharing.

I used to have this habit of spilling every tiny detail of my love life to my circle of girlfriends, from how cute he was when he kept wearing that Iron Man T-shirt that smelled of Domino’s pizza to his messy hair that probably hadn’t seen the shower for days because he was too focused on his art project, which made him look quite hot, too. (Sorry, love is blind and I was an idiot.) In response, they would aww all over the place and admire me for a beautiful love (while probably hating me secretly inside, but who cares anyway). But shit went down pretty fast when love turned ugly. By then, I would be reminded by everyone of the fucker who broke my heart, how terribly wonderful he was and they would ask millions of questions as to what happened, why an angel suddenly became an asshole. Most importantly, talking about him on and on and making him known to my close friends makes the dude much more significant than he actually is. In reality, it is just a random dude who isn’t even a friend anymore.

2. No romanticizing.

It’s no longer uncommon to come across an article, a song, a book even that glorifies abusive relationships or hurtful moments, not to mention countless of long-ass poetic essays about stuff like how “K” actually means he’s holding back inside because he loves you too much. Well, hopefully not that level of lame, but you get my point. No. A hug is a hug, a kiss is a kiss, sex is sex. It could be just that simple. There is no need for shit like “he didn’t just fuck me, he was playing violin with my body,” you know. I mean, don’t go ahead of yourself. It’s okay to get excited but if you do it too early on, you set yourself up for failure because most of the time, people don’t know what they are doing, they often don’t mean shit, and men are much better at living in the moment than women. The more you romanticize your relationship, the more significant and special the dude feels to you, the more hurtful it gets when he suddenly dumps your ass because he don’t play no violin, he just fucks.

3. Let it all out.

There is scientific evidence that thought suppression leads to depression. Don’t suppress your feelings and end up hurting yourself later; no boy is ever worth that much. Release them. Cry, shout, scream, do whatever it takes. Eat ice cream. Binge-watch Friends, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad. Run to the gym at midnight then go home and order pizza instead, because who is your god now?!! Open Word, write it all out, re-read it, then cry again. Change your own phone number into the dude’s name and text all what you want to say. Buy a dick-shaped voodoo doll and stab it like a real psycho. Okay, that’s bit much. Anyway, repeat until you run out of fucks to give.

4. No second-guessing.

You will probably regret a lot of what you did, like meeting him, giving him a chance, confessing your love, being a full-on psycho, being dumped, announcing you don’t need men to be happy, eating ice cream, getting fat, then dying alone with five cats. I’m just kidding. The point is, regretting is normal. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means your feelings are still there and they are clouding your judgments. You should remember that you did what you did and felt what you felt for a reason, so give yourself a break. It doesn’t matter if he deserved a life lesson for how bad he treated you, or you didn’t have your last word, or whatever. It’s no longer about him. You don’t walk away because you want him to miss you. You do that because you genuinely want to be happy. Who cares what he thinks? Who is he again?

5. Go No-Contact.

Out of sight, out of mind, simple! The dude is dead. No. He doesn’t even exist. What dude? Well, I know it’s easier said than done but you still have to do it. No Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram, no WhatsApp, no accidentally passing by his bar, his house, his office, you psycho. No, seriously. You’re strong, you can do it.

6. Be awesome.

Eat well, look good, then you will naturally feel good. Now, you don’t have to care about him anymore. You have one less problem and a shitload of energy to take care of yourself. Wear a flattering outfit, put on your favorite heels, go out with the girls, and feel like the world is yours again. Trust me. You’re fabulous.

If you have completed these six steps, congratulations, there is now one less frog to your prince/princess. Don’t be disheartened. You’re not alone. Everyone knows it’s a battlefield out there. Give yourself the permission to screw up. It’s okay. It’s life. What a cliché, but it’s not like you will come out alive anyway. So, be brave, be happy, love and be loved.