Ella Ceron

Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.

If your inner child could see you now, they would weep with the virulence of learning that Santa doesn’t exist. While you’re on your daily quest for fiber and regularity, remember that ghost of your innocence and mix it up every once in a while.

23. Respect that there will always be a few things in the fridge that are absolutely and completely off-limits, but share a bottle of wine or a couple beers every now and again in the spirit of friendship.

22. Take a friend’s dog for a walk. Who said working out had to be heart-poundingly difficult?

21. When somebody compares your looks to another person, that other person always has glasses—no matter how little they actually look like you.

Deep-fry cauliflower, slather in barbecue sauce. It’s so simplistic, but so, so good.

Not a morning person? Make breakfast in advance and stick it in the fridge for easy grab-n-go morning sustenance. But if you do this, think frittata over fried egg. Trust me on this one.

Miss certain foods. Miss your parents’ home cooking, but miss chain restaurants, too. Miss your eleventh birthday party at the Cheesecake Factory, and remember how you wore your favorite outfit to what you thought was the fanciest restaurant in the world.

Live in a city where the unsaid motto reads, “you don’t work, you don’t eat,” and then back yourself into that corner.

You just have to take a great leap of faith and trust that it will.

Selfie, meet Nic Cage. Nic Cage, meet Selfie.

You managed to get a job—yes, in this economy!—so by golly, you can do anything you set your mind to!

We’re visual people. We like visually appealing pictures. And we like food.

They will call you crazy. Don’t listen to them. Don’t let it get under your skin.

You will lead the zombie revolution. I am terrified of you.

Imagine you and me, me and you together on a random weekend morning when we’re splitting the paper and I’m being pretentious and trying to complete the crossword, and you ask me about my opinion on [Insert Global Event Here].…

After I graduated college, I was a nanny for two years because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to become a teacher.

Considering how you seem to be a very vocal individual, I was hoping you’d be open to this conversation.