Ella Ceron

You have, in all seriousness, uttered the phrase “Mercury’s retrograde” to explain a bit of bad luck.

“Red Light District” and “Blueberry Yum Yum” are all well and good, but where Ludacris really shines is in his ability to announce himself with a “Luduhhh!” and reel off into untold tongue-tying rhymes.

You prefer nights in, and actually need to be alone sometimes. You don’t feel like you’re missing out, or that you’re bored — in fact, those thoughts never even cross your mind.

A good guy respects that you can fight your own battles, but will be there to support you and back you up should you ask for help.

“Am I doing something wrong with my life because I’m not shopping in the corporate business suiting section?”

This person probably knows how you feel — the only thing they don’t know is why you don’t admit to it. Come on. Everyone knows. You’re fooling no one. You, my friend, are a Disney interlude come to life.

Taylor Swift: Your Future Ex-Girlfriend (Makes More Money Than You Ever Will)

Having someone there to share it with you might be nice, but it doesn’t make anything more complete than it was before. It just means you get to share your dozens of little happinesses with one more person.

I will celebrate every little happiness you experience, from finding five dollars on the street to getting a promotion to just having a really good hair day.

The world isn’t going to give you time to run. You have to make it.

The problem is accepting being “bad” as a limitation. As a sentence. As if there’s nothing in our power to right what we perceive to be “wrong.” And that’s simply not true.

If you’re not interested in having a healthy love life, by all means, use this song as a blueprint. (Just maybe don’t compare yourselves to dolphins. That’s weird.)

Walking in heels and feeling like people can hear you coming from three miles away, therefore trying to tiptoe and also not look like a baby zebra all at the same time.

Really, the only way this could be any more of a guilty pleasure is if Channing Tatum burst out onto the stage with a puppy or a baby (or both), and one of these guys sort of looks like Magic Mike if you squint, so we’re all good here.

Because the heartbreak is proof that you cared. That in the sea of people who are so hellbent on proving that nothing and nobody will ever get to them, you called bluff. That you were brave enough to care. You were brave enough to love.

Any time you’re assigned to a work project, you silently hope that you’ll somehow be assigned to work with them.

Lest you think 5% of the population is ganging up on you, don’t worry — vegetarians judge each other for some of these things, too. Because everyone’s just the worst.

[Wait patiently for someone to notice and mention the haircut]