11 Dumb Ways People Unconsciously Mess Up When Dating Someone New
I understand the temptation to get really excited when you finally meet someone you like. Just make sure that you aren’t doing things that send people running for the hills without realizing it.
I understand the temptation to get really excited when you finally meet someone you like.
Just make sure that you aren’t doing things that send people running for the hills without realizing it.
Here are eleven common ways people screw upwhen they start dating someone new:
1. Oversharing
Texting all the time? Do you tell them the mundane details of your day down to your grocery shopping? Calm down grasshopper. There is plenty of time for monotony later. Right now, cultivate a little mystery and let the other person miss you. Focus on only sharing important and pertinent details in the beginning. Not what shoes you are wearing or what you ate for lunch.
2. Super Sleuthing
It’s date two. You’ve already found their Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, mug shot from college, where they work, their exes and their exes’ Facebook pages and discussed all of this with your trusty best friend. You have seen pictures of their dog and last year’s Halloween costume.
Not having enough real life details about this new person but already knowing their whole cyber-history sets up a really strange dynamic where you already know a ton about them that they haven’t actually shared with you. You seem like a stalker when you’re all, “yeah I read all about your job at Target in college.” Don’t make them feel like you’ve made a hair doll from their hair brush and are following them around. It’s creepy.
3. Starting “The Relationship Rollout” Too Soon
Have you told your best friend, mailman, Facebook friends and Mom all about meeting someone new who is just aaaaamaaaazzing? Shhh… while you might be containing your excitement well around your new flame, they can sense that you’re way over-eager. The same goes for the next point.
4. Telling People You’ve Met “The One”
Just like you shouldn’t roll everything out too soon to your friends and family, same goes for using “the one” in the same sentence with the person’s name who you just started dating. While you might not notice it, your friends’ collective eye roll and the intensity it puts on your new relationship can be too much for a new pairing to overcome.
5. Prematurely Introducing Them To Friends and Family
You might be so over the moon with your new flame that you want to introduce them to your friends and family.
Introducing them to everyone you know too soon sets the stage for two potentially bad situations. First, you’re sending a strong message to the new person you’re dating that you see them sticking around for the foreseeable future. Second, you’re sending the message to your friends and family that this person is important to you.
Also, if you aren’t sure about someone new, having them meet your friends is not a great idea since it takes the level of formality up a notch. If you just don’t know where the relationship is going yet, it can put pressure on them to make a decision about you before they are ready.
The last thing you want to do is trot an endless stream of dates through your family’s living room. Meeting your friends and family should be reserved for people who are likely to stick around and are already very important to you.
6. Acting Like Gumby In The Bedroom
There is something to be said for leaving something to the imagination when having sex with someone new. Think “gradual rollout” of your bedroom talents, not “SHOW IT ALL.” Leave some delicious surprises for later.
7. Using “We” Too Soon
Have you started using “We” with the person in the first few weeks of dating, as in “we should do X” or “we are so ALIKE”? Too much “We” talk is jarring in the beginning. Wait until you have an established relationship to use a lot of “we” with your new flame.
8. References to Your Shared Future
Referring to the future, along with the use of “we” can be really off-putting to someone who just isn’t sure about you yet. It makes the other person feel like they have to make a decision about where the relationship is going prematurely. If you mention going to a concert with them 6 months from now and they aren’t sure about you yet, it puts them in an awkward position. Wait until you’ve established your coupledom to make plans past next week.
9. Dropping Everything to Hang Out
Don’t clear off your whole schedule and start hanging out with someone every night. Don’t try and monopolize their time. Keep your long standing hobbies. Don’t give up your nights out with friends, lazy Sunday afternoons and sports right away. Focus on making them fit into your schedule, not making your schedule fit them.
10. Possessive or Jealous Behavior
When you just started dating someone, you have to accept what is going on with them when you arrive. You can suss out whether their best friend is really attracted to them or if their co-worker is flirting with them later. Right now your job is to be present and enjoy the initial stages of dating. It’s not a good time to get jealous about anyone in their life. Additionally, if they become jealous of people in yours at this early stage, be wary; it can be a big red flag.
11. Letting The Law of Attraction Puke On Them
Once I was on a first date that seemed to be going okay until he looked at me longingly across the table and said, “I think this is fate, us meeting like this. I’ve been working to attract different people into my life.” I choked on my drink and was definitely weirded out. While I was flattered, my initial interest in him never recovered.
After sharing this with some friends, I learned that dates had said similar things to them and attraction-speak was more common than I thought. Don’t refer to “fate,” “the universe” or anything else that pertains to things between you two being “meant to be” in the first few months of dating. While you may wholeheartedly believe it, you sound wacko. Avoid at all costs. 
