Elaine West

I have a compelling interest in achieving my Pinterest dreams while being a decent, live-and-let-live human being. For that reason, I am done shopping at Hobby Lobby.

To be honest, all I know is what it’s like to be a visitor. But, I do know that being a visitor can change your worldview.

30 minutes before closing, people will show up to swim laps. And they will be sure not to leave one minute before they have to.

Waiting it out is the worst, especially because sometimes you can’t do anything to speed healing. So, the first flutter of happiness or inspiration or calm — whatever it is you’ve been missing — feels like coming back into existence.

It’s not rational, but I’m going to avoid you with such effort that, applied to school, might have gotten me onto Law Review. These are things I’ve chosen to do instead of say “Hi” to you:

It’s pretty safe to say that two or more women are part of your life. This question is really about whether we choose to engage in female relationships that foster friendship, mentorship, and intellectual challenge.

Wherefore art thou, Karma? When your ex is the valedictorian speaker, you have to listen. For ten minutes. There is no escape.

The Natural Prosecutor is not a cuddly source of support. She is a realist. If you were to drink every time she said, “You do the crime, you do the time,” you’d be smashed by the end of 3L year.

The basic scenario for a same-sex couple that wants divorce is: They marry legally in State A. They move to State B, which doesn’t allow same-sex marriage. The flame dies, something dramatic happens, they took things too fast, etc. State B won’t grant them a divorce.

Once word gets out that you’re vegan, a fun new game is counting how many people will tell you they could go without eggs, but “could never give up cheese.” If cows ever find out about this, they will have infinite leverage against us.

It may have been the tracksuits, chicken pot pies, or gallons upon gallons of liquor that convinced you to join Costco.

He noted that during trial, the women (we made up three out of the four mockers) mumbled to ourselves in between questioning witnesses.