Eko Hayden

None of these thirsty tools are getting anything.

Hopefully their real partners don’t find out about this page.

Sometimes you don’t know what you lost until you f*cked it up.

Tinder is a mess.

Sexting can be so so hot.

“I’m just getting really hot… do you mind?” He said moving on to unbuttoning his jeans.

“No… uh, go ahead man.” I was hoping he didn’t hear the nervousness in my tone.

You know instantly when something is bothering them, and they know instantly when something is bothering you. There’s no hiding it — you know each other too well.

Someone recently shit on her car, stupid ass thought it was me for some reason. I never wanted to see her again after that, dated her for a year.

My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and see the golden god behind these scents, but I couldn’t move.

“Found some white creature that was alive inside girl’s vagina after I’d been going down on her.

It was some white creature that was wriggling around.”

Convincing yourself that an orgasm is absolutely required for great sex. Rejecting any sex without the “big O” as a failure and total waste of time will wreck havoc on your confidence and make sex suck.

“If you took a shit on a dinner plate, id eat it!”

“I could feel the water touch my butt, worse yet, some bits of poop, but I couldn’t give a damn. I was shitting and puking for a good hour. I was getting emotionally wrecked at the same time as well.”

“While some may think romantic partners are “harder to find” for unattractive people, they ones you do find will actually love you for you, and it’ll be great. By being unattractive you filter out all the f*ckboys.”

“I pull your pants down and rub the outside of your boxers.”

If she’s “so tight it barely fits” then you’re not warming her up enough!

Probing, gently probing. I relax, and your finger slides in. And then, a second one. Twisting, turning, opening me up, getting me ready for what is to come.