27 Promises To My Best Friend
25. I will always bail you out of jail. 26. I will always slap you after I bail you out of jail because you got arrested without me.
By Eileen James
- You’re the best person I have ever met in my life and I am not me when you are not you.
- I will never, in a million years, let you date a Justin Bobby.
- I will never let you get an ugly haircut.
- I vow to always hold your dress up while you pee and hold your hair back while you puke.
- I’m sorry about that time I told you I hated your boyfriend but he was actually a dick.
- Thank you for sitting next to me while I had my first sip of beer.
- Thank you for taking care of me that time the second sip of beer got me drunk.
- Thank you for listening to me cry over that boy.
- And that boy.
- And that boy over there.
- Thank you for firmly saying “NO” when I tried to sit on a random man’s shoulders at that concert.
- Thank you for standing guard while I peed in the parking lot of that same concert.
- I’m glad we Googled “how to give blowjobs” together
- And if I’m going to be honest, I thought of you the entire time I gave my first blowjob. Not in a weird way or anything.
- I will probably never stop texting you my outfits to make sure they’re cute.
- Distance won’t make a difference. You’ll always be a sister to me.
- In fact, I like you more than my real sister most times.
- I’ll always be your 11th Instagram like.
- And I’ll always favorite your tweets even if they aren’t funny.
- I don’t regret a single boy that broke my heart because you were always there to help me after.
- I don’t regret a single girl that I learned to hate, because you helped me laugh at her.
- I am the greatest version of myself while laughing in the passenger seat of your car.
- You are my bridesmaid. I better be yours.
- I vow to always babysit your future children, no matter how sticky their hands are.
- I will always bail you out of jail
- I will always slap you after I bail you out of jail because, bitch, you got arrested without me.
- I will always be your best friend. You’re stuck with me. Suck it up.
