8 Things Male Best Friends Should Never Share

1. Housing

This is probably the most controversial choice on the list. It seems like it would be a blast to live with your best friend. Wrong. Ever heard the saying, “Don’t shit where you eat”? That usually refers to sleeping with people at work, but I think it works better here. Living with your best friend is only asking for trouble. There will be clearly be some fun times like Madden tournaments, drinking games and late night gossip seshes. Unfortunately the arguments that are sure to arise will end up being too much. It’ll start off small with a debate over whose turn it’s to do the dishes. Then before you know it every little thing you do will annoy the other. Don’t let TV shows like Friends trick you, not even Chandler and Joey’s strong bond could’ve survived bringing chicks and ducks home.

2. Bathroom accessories

This shouldn’t come into play too often since we clearly decided that you shouldn’t be living with your best friend. That being said, you may end up crashing at your friend’s after a late night, so a guide to what’s available for you to use in his bathroom is needed. Here is the approved list: cologne, shampoo and toilet paper. That’s it, and even those are pushing it. Smelling the same as your best friend is sure to send some strange signals. Using anything else is crossing a gross and unforgivable line.

3. Too many similar traits

Opposites may attract in sexual relationships, but not with close male relationships. While the foundation of a great friendship is laid with common traits and interests, best friends can only be so similar. Who knows if it’s testosterone or what, but two similar guys are more likely to be enemies than friends. If one is an extreme talker, the other should be a borderline mute. Male friendships only can have one person per role so each one needs to stick to their respective lane.

4. Women

Bros before Hoes is offensive and outdated so let’s go more PC, like Best Friends before Any Woman No Matter How Many Tattoos She Has. Name two best friends that have successfully shared a woman. Go ahead, we’ve got time to sit and wait. Couldn’t do it could you? That was expected, since it’s never happened. Ben and Chon tried it in the movie Savages and look at what they had to deal with. They had to battle with deadly Mexican drug dealers and even worse John Travolta. Blake Lively isn’t worth putting your friendship through that, no woman is.

5. Food

Pizza is the sole exception for this rule. We’re talking a delivered pizza too, no reason to split a personal pan or small out at a restaurant. Take that home before you split it. Food is on this list because sharing it opens a door that can’t be closed. t’ll start innocently enough with letting your friend have some of your fries at Applebees during happy hour since he only ordered a beer. Before you know it though he is making you constantly go to Chili’s to go in on the 2 for $20 deal. That means you guys are suddenly sharing a desert. This friendship is heading to a different type of relationship at this point.

6. Clothing

In some of the other topics, there have been exceptions given. Clothing is a different ball game. Under no circumstances should best friends wear the other’s clothes. This includes everything from underwear, shirts or even shoes. For one, it’s just too personal, even more personal than women or bathroom accessories. You want to be close to your best friend, but there is such a thing as too close, and even sharing a shirt is too close. Back in eighth grade I made the mistake of borrowing my best friend’s shirt after crashing at his house. My first issue is that I’m white and that the shirt I took was a FUBU jersey. No one ever looked at me the same after that—especially my best friend. I don’t think he ever wore that shirt again. Our friendship somehow has seemed to survive, but he has many times since made out with multiple girls that he knows I liked. While I can’t prove it, I’m confident the two are linked.

7. Money

The majority of marriages that end in divorce are due to issues involving money. If that’s the case, just picture what money can do to a relationship that doesn’t include sex. Money just carries too much power to throw in the middle of a strong friendship. Bill Gates probably has no friends just so he doesn’t have to deal with loaning money to them.

8. Info on Junk Size

This is probably the closest that male and female friendship come. I can only assume that women aren’t talking about the size of each other’s below the belt zones. There are many reasons why men shouldn’t share such info. The first is that the true size wouldn’t be revealed unless they whipped them out because every guy will exaggerate the size if just taken at his word. Then putting that aside the guy that does have the size advantage will have too much power in the relationship. Mr. Big would automatically win any argument. Just imagine what Michael Fassbender’s friends have to deal with.