The Best Kind Of One Night Stand

As I’m getting ready for the night with a few my pals, listening to a little Fitz and the Tantrums, Daft Punk, Lorde and always a little A$AP Rocky, I’m getting in that zone knowing this is going to be a stellar night. As the Sailor Jerry’s becomes more of a rattling bottle on the kitchen top and our small little joint is in roach form, we are all ready to bounce around East Village and Brooklyn. We are walking the streets singing Selena Gomez’s “Come & Get It” because WHY WOULDN’T WE BE?

That’s when the first douchebag line is muttered by one of my friends who still likes to go out “TO FIND SOME PUSSY!” Come on guy. We are 30, but even if we were 24, or 64, actually hearing a 64 year old say that would probably be my favorite thing anyone’s said ever, but my point being WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT? But no prob, they can go in search for French kisses, dry humps, sex in a dumpster, or maybe he just lost his pussy and he really is looking for it? WHO KNOWS.

One night stands can be the hots, the sweats, the sexy, the hair pulling romp of two drunk people just straight up letting their inhibitions take control. I’m not anti one nighter, but my ideal one night stand has changed in the last few years, and it’s most def not the “LETS FIND SOME PUSSY” one night stand.

It’s the lets be drunk and out of our mind and go back to your place or mine and stay up all night flirting and kissing and playing each other our favorite tunes and looking at funny YouTube videos and laughing and giggling and seeing who makes the pancakes and dancing around in our underwear to something totally silly.

I’m not creating some magical night that would lead to something serious, but just having an absolute who the fuck cares all nighter with a stranger that has a killer smile and great taste in all things empty-headed and puerile.

Part ways when the sun rises with nothing but some giddy and some giggles, and just hope at some point in the future I bump into this stranger again, at a random concert or bar and then getting super waggish (with some swag so you’re swaggish waggish?) and be like “Hey stranger, IS THIS FATE?” It probably isn’t, but you both will know that one night stand was way better than the one where you woke up next to a girl wearing nothing but a pair of JUICY sweats and talking about this dope bottle service situation you should totally go with her to that night.

Not much is better than sex, but I’m redefining my one night stands to be fun, flirty, youthful, lustful and all smiles, mixed in with a little truth or dare just to REALLY SPICE IT UP. That’s the one night stand I’m into these days, which is harder than you might think, girls be getting dominant! Never forget, for every guy heading out saying “I WANT SOME PUSSY,” they’re also a group of ladies heading out that same night saying “I JUST WANT SOME DICK!” Life is fun!