8 Things You’d Rather Do Than Go Out Tonight

While the act of standing in a crowded bar with a group of acquaintances and getting drinks spilled on you sounds like a perfect way to end your week, a few other ideas come to mind first.

By Danny Murphy

Updated 10 years ago, January 23, 2015

It’s Friday, Friday, gotta breakdown on Friiiday—JK! You’re going out. Why? Uh, good question.

I mean, while the act of standing in a crowded bar with a group of acquaintances and getting drinks spilled on you sounds like a perfect way to end your week, a few other ideas come to mind first. But you’ll never actually pick those over going out, because socializing and pretty people and FOMO (does that still exist?). So, while we all leave the beautiful couches in our apartment to face the coldness of reality, keep these 8 things in mind that you coulda, woulda, and shoulda been doing instead. Maybe next week. Not.

1. Start that show everybody else is talking about but you haven’t watched yet.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BREAKING BAD?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Out, so I can’t watch TV. And thanks for reminding me that I could be home trying to find out why everybody was obsessed with a teacher in New Mexico who started selling meth, bitches. That’s a reference to the show, right? I’m still on Season 1. UGH.

2. Just sit back and re-watch your favorite shows for the 10th time.

It’s not sad or weird to constantly re-watch Gilmore Girls, it’s just that we have so much to catch up on. Like, do you really think I can just go hang out with all of you RIGHT after Rory got arrested for stealing a boat? I’m not heartless.

3. Order all of the food.

Last night I fell asleep envisioning two slices of pizza, nachos with a side of guac, and scallion pancakes and fried rice all on my coffee table. Why am I lying to you, I imagined it in my bed, next to me, while I laid around in pure bliss. WHY CAN’T THIS BE MY REALITY?

4. Call your mom.

The lady that supports you in almost every single outlet of your life sometimes deserves more respect than an emoji-filled text message after your second vodka soda. Bonus points if when you call your mom during your imaginary Friday night home you don’t immediately ask for money.

5. Clean your room?

I have a floor? And a sock drawer? WAIT, I HAVE SOCKS? If John Mayer thought your body was a wonderland, he should look under my bed. LOL, 2001.

6. Catch up on sleep.

Because most nights you go to sleep around 1:30 AM Googling Tara Reid and have to wake up at 7:30 AM to continue Googling Tara Reid at work. It gets exhausting.

7. Have meaningful conversations with your friends.

“What? I can’t hear you over this Ariana Grande song, who do you hate? Me? OHHHH, that person over there. Yeah they suck.” This will probably be the only dialogue you have tonight with your friends. I mean, chatting about their hopes and dreams probably would have been too exhausting anyway.