What Your Favorite Show On E! Says About You
Whether you’re on break, home sick, or just unemployed, you definitely have some free time on your hands. That really leaves only one option in regards to how to fill your time home until your eventual mortality.
By 
Danny Murphy
Whether you’re on break, home sick, or just unemployed, you definitely have some free time on your hands. You could read, but it’s 2014 — what the fuck is a book? You could do yoga, but let’s be real. That really leaves only one option in regards to how to fill your time home until your eventual mortality, and that is watching the E! Network. While we’re all the worst for watching this network, what kind of awful you are depends entirely on which show captivates you to come back for more (and more).
1. Sex and the City Marathons
You’ve definitely googled apartments in Manhattan even though you don’t even know what a broker’s fee is. You’re also simultaneously committed and lonely, because why else would you watch a group of single women drink and sleep with people for seven hours straight on a Tuesday afternoon?
2. Keeping Up With The Kardashians
You’re at the gym. I hope. Because the only justification for watching KUWTK now is that you need something to take your mind off the fact that you’re using the Fat Burner setting for the second week in a row and you’ve yet to burn any fat. Khloe and Kourtney are great, and are definitely the only reason to watch this show, but stop beating this horse and move on over to Vanderpump Rules.
3. Botched
You’re #dark. Not like, Sylvia Plath quote in your Instagram bio dark but you definitely were super into Danielle Staub’s journey on RHONJ dark. It’s also one of those shows that make you feel so much better about yourself, people these people are forreal messed up. Like, that kid that spent thousands to try and look like Justin Beiber makes my breakfast of cold Pad Thai and room temperature Skinny Girl Red Wine look fucking Instagram worthy!
4. Fashion Police
Something tells me you have emojis in almost all of your social media bios. You love to hashtag and just like, TOTALLY tell it like it is (just ask your friends who don’t text you). This show was beyond though, mainly due to the fact that Joan Rivers found the perfect way to take things like a celebrity’s earring and turn it into one of the funniest jokes you’ve ever heard.
5. E! News
You lost your remote after drinking too much during the previously mentioned Sex and the City marathon or fell asleep while looking up “cheap Mexican” on seamless and checking to see if Cynthia Nixon is still a lesbian.
6. The Soup
You get the irony of Joel McHale being on E! and love how much he rips at it. You also probably say that you’re definitely going to start watching Community, even though it’s already been on for years and the most you’ve seen is five minutes of the first episode. Did I just subtweet myself?
7. Giuliana & Bill
Come on now, take the picture of Giuliana off your vision board and study for your Intro to PR 101 exam tomorrow. Those press clippings just don’t cut themselves! Slash, message me, beccause there are SO MANY BETTER reality TV options with couples who aren’t as good as covering up their entire life to make it look perfect. #FreeTre, anyone? 
