Danny Murphy

Why do these songs exist? Go to the bathroom, look at your sloppy self in the mirror, panic while refreshing your CNN app, and get another drink.

I feel that we think it’s so easy to make these seemingly innocent, easy and random hookups a main stay because they combine our two favorite things as millennials: minimal steps and immediate satisfaction.

If you drink wine out of a measuring cup, you’re clearly out of f*cks to give.

Living in New York, or any city for that matter, means you’re going to be moving a lot. And there is one thing you will never be able to get back.

I’ll be the first to admit that ‘budget’ wasn’t really a word I used frequently at the beginning of my college career. Sure, I would always make a note to go for the cheapest vodka – you can’t taste it when it’s mixed with cranberry juice!

I say probably, because let’s be real, the night escaped you a little bit.

Here are some of the stupidest, and not at all effective, ways in which I tried to shrink my waist a lil’ bit.

Unpaid. The dreaded word so many college students, and some post-grads, hate to see next to any job opportunity they’re vying for.

Unfortunately, I don’t like or believe in numbers or statistics to give out facts, but what I do know is a great lyric when I hear one.

I feel like our entire lives are centered around planning for an interview. Whether it’s for an internship, job, a relationship (LOLZ, THE PROFESSION OF LOVE) we all have to handle the pre-jitters that comes about when we’re en route to talk to someone one-on-one.

But wait, during your struggle carrying a box full of your underwear, which have now fallen all over the ground outside your door, someone lends a hand. Donned in your best move in attire—ripped sweats, an oversized and stained t-shirt, and tears—you aren’t really in the mood to make friends. And that is when you realize, fuck, your neighbor is hot.

Relationships are fun and awesome things, but sometimes get hard to define. Like, are you exclusive with that person you hooked up with at the bar last night?

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing – Stevie Wonder

1. Just because something’s free doesn’t mean you should have seven of them.

While the act of standing in a crowded bar with a group of acquaintances and getting drinks spilled on you sounds like a perfect way to end your week, a few other ideas come to mind first.

Not being in a long-term relationship right now doesn’t condemn you to that #SpinsterLife.

6. Poop Face

1. Jar of Peanut Butter