How Can I Forgive You When I Can’t Forgive Myself

How You Took Over

I last saw your shadow
Following you as you opened the door
As you walked out
It decided to stay
It turned around and drifted towards me
The darkness coming closer
Knocking my shadow out of the way
Smothering me with a pessimistic cloud
Haunted with your self-hate
I was breathing in a black air
I was choking on your shadow
I can’t find my shadow

How I Forgive You

Like an addict to my words
You needed the fix
You craved to hear
‘I forgive you’
You knew I was an easy dealer
I handed it to you effortlessly
I never wanted you to hate yourself
I couldn’t even hate you
Every time you spoke of our past
I focused on your future
I saw the light in you
And you sucked my light out of me
I couldn’t feel it at the time
You released an anesthetic
Leeching onto my lightness
Living on my blood

How I Can’t Forgive Myself

I was running on empty
A self-destructive mess
I took all of your bad qualities
Swallowed them like a pill
Blacking out
I only shared my pain with you
The one person addicted to it
I made so many mistakes
I pushed people away
I let you come closer
Drowning in cocktails of your insides
Self-hate
Red Wine
Cigarettes
I became the part of you
That I was trying to save

Now

You’re happy
You have moved on
I guess the words I fed you
Were enough to give you strength
But I still feel weak
How do I let you in?
Every time you call
I make you feel better
I am not in love with you anymore
Your voice is still toxic
Poison running through me
Every time you need a fix
I hand it over
I miss my shadow
Has anyone seen my shadow?

How
How Can I Forgive You?
When I Can’t Forgive Myself?