Daniel Hayes

“I looked up the embankment towards the sound and I saw what appeared to be a small white face contrasting against the deep dark of the forest. Focusing as best I could it appeared to be a person crouching and looking down at my shelter.”

“I had to make myself stop letting my heroes haunt me.”

There are lies and there are LIES.

“Having this incarnation be named ‘Super-Girl’ by a women to “prove” it’s not anti-feminist. Well played.”

“A college student once referred to my six month old as ‘fat’. I have no idea what kids are learning in school these days but all babies are fat. It’s an evolutionary adaption so they don’t die.”

“Spent the night at my girlfriend’s house and was awakened in the morning by three kisses on my mouth and forehead and breakfast in bed. Literally the best thing ever.”

“My mother always referred to my biological father as a ‘donor’ rather than as a person.”

He said what?

“Ray put it in the goat’s anus. Nobody had clothes on under the robes. Billy had a robe on too. They put a band aide on his finger. Old Grandma played the piano. Lots of threats were made against Billy and his family. It is unclear whether it was a doll or real baby (Billy says real baby) but the head was chopped off and the brains were burned.”

The original trailer looked better than anything Lucas put together over the course of the prequels and it looks like that level of eye candy is going to be the norm and not the exception.

The setup for the punchline is fantastic but you’ll have to wait for it. Believe me, skipping ahead will just ruin the timing on this one.

“The worst part was feeling and seeing her skull give way.”