Daniel Hayes

“I often wake up with my boyfriend holding my hand in his sleep. Like, holy crap, how is it even possible that this man exists?”

French President Francois Hollande has since declared a national state of emergency.

“To a lot of people, I think loyalty just means that their SO won’t ever leave them but that’s a dog’s loyalty, not a person’s.”

The youngest woman to ever give birth was five years old.

“My sister and I are a couple of years apart but we shared a room our whole lives. Some of the best memories of my entire life are just of us just lying in our beds talking and laughing in the dark.”

Civilians usually hear about the death of war through the filter of the news media. Numbers, associations, locations, these are the predominant data points we receive.

Rosemary knows there’s something wrong with her baby but no one will listen. Then it turns out he’s the son of the Devil and the entire world loses. Wow, high stakes.

“They fought nearly the entire trip about the stupidest shit imaginable like what what an appropriate vacation bedtime is.”

“The thing about a broken heart is that sometimes even little changes can feel like big changes.”

“Started throwing up on day three but my husband was fine. We couldn’t figure out what was up. Finally my husband laughs and says ‘maybe you’re pregnant.’ Yep, I was pregnant.”

School is where everyone goes to be terrible to one another.

“So from all of us here, I’d like to wish you happy painting, and God bless, my friend.”