Why They Do It: 17 Men Talk About The Real Reasons They Stay In Touch With Their Exes

1. “Usually I don’t keep up with them afterward but there was one and it 100% had to do with how attracted I was to her.”

-Marlen, 27

2. “I stayed in touch with one ex of mine for years for the simple reason that I believe in keeping my options open so even though I was dating other people afterward I kept in touch with her because you never know. I do generally keep in touch unless it’s some crazy ass breakup and I have hooked up with some exes more than a few times when I was single again.”

—Darren, 25

3. “I’ve kept in touch with two of them and my current gf who’s awesome has met one of them and knows we used to date. But it’s not like what people might think. I used to just always end up dating my friends and so I was always friends with girls first. When we broke up we were able to go back to being friends.”

—Jeffrey, 25

4. “We have most of the same friends and so it’s almost impossible not to see my ex if I want to keep any of my friends since they aren’t the type to choose sides. Actually, looking back, I blame getting back together with her which I stupidly did, on just being around her more than I should have, getting drinks, and then remembering the good times.”

—Jacob, 23

5. “This was in college but there was one girl that I’d dated that I kept up with and basically never stopped seeing even though I was in relationships with other girls. We just had serious chemistry although I think for her it was kind of a dominance thing. Like, she liked knowing that we were getting together even though I was seeing other people. It was a little sick.”

—Chris, 24

6. “I used to stay in contact with some girls, especially a particular one but one day I woke up and just felt like I was completely living in the past and that on some level I was carrying a torch for them. I unfriended them and I don’t think they even noticed but it was a big thing for me.”

—Greg, 26

7. “I really do keep in contact with some exes just so that I’ll have someone to hook up with when I’m single. This isn’t some big secret. Girls do the same thing.”

—Karl, 22

8. “I never really have but my last gf did. To me, keeping an ex as a friend can be a dead giveaway that they aren’t over them. She and I didn’t date long, thankfully.”

—Robert, 22

9. “My high school girlfriend is the only one of my exes that I’ve kept up with and we’re really close friends. It’s not romantic at all but she’s somebody I can call when I’ve got something on my mind and she’s good for giving me a woman’s point of view when I need it.”

—Eric, 23

10. “It always sort of cracks me up when I hear any of my bros talking about staying friends with somebody they broke up with. I feel like that’s the lamest way to break up with someone and then the friendship basically consists of never talking to them again except for trying to hook up with them when they’re drunk. A lot of girls never seem to catch on to this.”

—Neil, 21

11. “I love all my exes. I try to keep in touch with them and chat with them at least once a year. We only talk through Skype or FaceTime though because I’m pretty sure it would be inevitable if we saw each other in-person — we’d hook up,  which would be bad because we’re all still in happy relationships… But what I wouldn’t give to have an orgy with all the woman I’ve ever dated.”

—Peter, 24

12. “I believe in cutting your exes out of your life like, Kill Bill style. No matter if you ended things on good or bad terms, amicable, platonic relationships are just not a thing when it comes to your exes. Imo, at least.”

—Tim, 22

13. “I still talk to one of my exes. She understands me in a way that no on else does, and sometimes I just need to hear her voice, hear her opinion, shoot the shit together. I don’t know how she feels though about my sporadic calls from time to time to just ‘chat.'”

—Patrick, 24

14. “I keep in touch with my college gf. I have a terrible habit of texting him to check in whenever my current gf and I get into an awful fight. I guess that’s why I keep in touch with them—to reassure myself that there’s always another option. It’s unreasonable and egotistical of me to assume that she’d still be interested, but whatever. We can’t always be rational.”

—Alex, 27

15. “I’ve never really had a bad ending where I would stop talking to someone entirely. And I generally would think that just because of the type of person I am, if I cut off all contact either it’s because you’re the world’s biggest asshole or I’m probably still hurting. I like to think I haven’t ever dated the world’s biggest asshole and as for the hurting, I may distance myself for a while, but I also like to wish people the best. And it’s cool to catch up with people you used to know at some point and see how far they’ve come. You have to accept that some people were there to teach you something and that’s it. I still see one or two once in a while because we run into each other at places I go to, or visit, from time to time. I don’t go out of my way though. And I think they’d say the say the same. But I try not to have any bitterness. Things pass after a while. Of course there is that 1 or 2 you’ll always wonder, ‘What if?’ But that’s life. Que sera, sera .”

—Jamie, 28

16. “I’m probably the only person I know of that keeps in contact with their exes just to know they’re okay.”

—Mohammed, 30

17. “I keep in touch with one ex, mostly because we were so close in college and were friends even before we started dating. I miss her sometimes, but don’t really have any doubts about my decision not to be with her, so it’s easier to stay in touch because of that.”

—Jim, 25

18. “I used to do this but it never really ended up in a good place. In my older wiser years I’ve learned to let it go. Yeah, I know I’m 23 but still, I learned my lesson.” 

—Ben, 23