5 Things No One Told Me About Heartbreak

1. It Ruins Your Favorite Songs.

Music is such an important way to bond with a lover; there is the first song you danced to, that one song that just seemed to speak to your relationship, or maybe a song that defined how you felt about the other person. These songs come to be some of your favorites during the relationship—and then they’re ruined. I will never be able to listen to Relient k’s Sweeter or Radiohead’s Creep the same way again. Every time I hear All Time Low’s For Baltimore, I will think of that one lazy Thursday afternoon when we sat back-to-back and read books in the park. I’ll certainly never think of anyone else when I hear Escape the Fate play Let Me Be. These songs are all connected to memories of someone I loved unconditionally, someone who stole my heart and ensnared my soul, someone who left me broken.

2. It Leaves You Feeling Lost.

All of your plans for the future were wound up with another person. When you first started loving someone, it was scary to think in terms of “we” instead of “I,” but then it became natural—it became beautiful. Going the opposite direction feels the same way—it’s terrifying. It strips you of your motivation and makes all your goals seem hollow. It takes time, but eventually you will redevelop these goals into an “I” format.

3. You Want Attention.

You were so used to receiving attention and now you suddenly find yourself without it. This sudden void creates a vacuum of sorts and you find yourself craving affection from almost any source. It makes you feel needy, desperate, and clingy. It makes you feel ashamed of yourself. You long for a casual relationship so that you can feel wanted while remaining guarded. At the same time, you’re scared of even that level of interaction; you’re scared that you may hurt the other person or somehow wind up getting hurt again yourself.

4. The Sympathy Stings Worse Than The Heartbreak…Almost.

When your heart gets ripped out and torn to shreds, you’re not the only one on the recovery journey—your friends and coworkers are there with you. They can see the effect that the heartbreak is having on you, and they feel bad for you. You’ll come to hate this more than anything else. They’ll go out of their way to help you when you don’t really need assistance. You’ll see the worried looks on their faces when the topics of love and relationships are brought up in conversation. They’ll ask you incessantly if you’re okay. On some level you’ll appreciate that they care, but through all the arm squeezes and pats on the back you’ll begin to wish you were on this journey by yourself.

5. You’ll Be Terrified to Love Again.

This is probably the worst pain you’ve ever felt. All you can think about is getting rid of it and, at the root of all the pain, lays the real problem—love. Love got you here and the only way to get out is to not love that person anymore. You’ll generalize the love you had to love as a whole—and you’ll think that you don’t ever want it again. You’ll push good people away because you’re scared that you’ll care too much and they will end up hurting you. You’ll do things to others that you normally would have never done—you’ll ghost anyone who makes you feel too much. You’ll look in the mirror and wonder how you got to this place—and you’ll blame love.