Dan Hoffman

When Karen Butler of Newport, Oregon went in for oral surgery about a year and a half ago, her life was changed forever. When the woman who has never been to Ireland in her life woke up, she spoke with an Irish accent, and she still does to this day.

So what’s Zuckerberg’s new place like? The $7 million, 5,000 square feet house is about a ten minute drive from what will soon be Facebook’s new headquarters in Menlo Park. The home includes a saltwater pool, five bedrooms, five full bathrooms, and a music alcove.

In a major WTF, Virginia? incident last week, a young girl was found caged in her crib inside her parents’ mobile home in Gloucester County. According to girl’s father, Brian Gore, she had been there since last summer.

The reason what many are calling the summer’s most anticipated film is getting so much attention is simple: Malick rarely makes films (this will be his fifth; his first was Badlands in 1973), and each time he does it’s a huge cultural event. Not only that, but the details around The Tree of Life’s story are shrouded in mystery, and no one has really said what it’s about other than in vague terms.

$45 million is going to be raised for product and brand placement in the latest installment of the James Bond series. This figure will mean the new film, yet untitled other than by its codename “Bond23,” will command the highest price for product placement in cinema history.

In a rather troubling incident that took place about two weeks ago, a mentally impaired man was shocked in the genitals with a taser while his attackers tattooed the word “RAPEST” – a misspelling of “rapist” – on his forehead. They also tattooed “I like little boys” on the victim’s chest.

ALUM CREEK, WEST VIRGINIA–Mark Thompson, 19, is being accused of kidnapping and murdering his neighbor’s pygmy (domestic) goat, all while high on bath salts.

Ten years ago on September 11 when Weddle heard about the terrorist attacks on our nation, he got so caught up following the news that he forgot to shave for a whole week. It was then that he decided he wouldn’t shave until Bin Laden was either dead or captured.

Alfred Stewart, age 31, was celebrating his birthday with his other deaf friends at Ocean’s Eleven Sports Lounge and Grill when Barbara Lee, age 45, thought they were making gang signs at her. She approached the party and made gang signs at them. They motioned for the “aggressive” woman to stop bothering them, which, considering the nature of the event, probably only made things worse.

As if traffic officers weren’t already considered to be on the lower end of the police food chain, a couple of LA cops have made things worse for everyone. The Los Angeles Department of Transportation is coming under fire for an Internet video in which two uniformed officers are shown in public with a female porn star.

The naked man was finally captured wading through a creek. Authorities do not know why he was wading there or why he was naked to begin with, but upon further investigation, it was found that the man has “mental issues” and is receiving care, though he was still charged with open lewdness.

But unlike the Dartz Prombron, The Iron.Diamond is free. The catch, of course, is that you have to buy a bottle of RussoBaltique’s vodka, which retails at $740,000. The Iron.Diamond includes optional snake, crocodile, or elephant skin leather for the seats – rather than whale-penis leather – a camera system to aid with parking, and a free designer vibrator with purchase.

This past Friday, a few days after hearing that his teaching contract wouldn’t be renewed, Harlan Porter, age 31, walked the halls of B.C. Haynie Elementary School without any clothes on.

A self-proclaimed Warlock from Sutton, England is facing rape charges for acts committed 20 to 25 years ago when he was a gravedigger for a church in Cheam, a small suburban village outside of London.

In Fort Wayne, Indiana this past week a man was arrested for huffing spray paint for the 48th time; the first incident was in 1992.

France’s Interior Ministry began scrutinizing the CRS’s alcohol consumption last week when a photo circulated of an officer drinking a beer while policing a protest led by high school students.

Some people don’t cry during movies, but if you’re the type who isn’t opposed to a good cry, and you’re moved by the power of cinema, these films will likely have you shedding at least a tear or two. Some will have you reaching for a tissue simply because they’re so unbelievably sad, while others are more likely to overwhelm because their combination of images and sounds matched with a sad subject matter.

Over the course of my life, I’ve held a number of jobs that were objectionable for a variety of reasons. It wasn’t until I went to college and worked for temp agencies over a summer break and winter break, however, that I was faced with employment that made me feel senseless and useless, as if I were one of the alienated laborers I read about during the school year when I was studying Marxist-influenced social theory.