Dan Hoffman

The Northwestern f**ksaw incident is finally coming to a close, as Professor J. Michael Bailey of the institution will officially no longer be teaching a class on human sexuality after he featured a live sex demonstration involving a toy known as a “f**ksaw” in an optional lecture series this past semester.

The capabilities of smart phones are expanding and growing every day. Now, thanks to a new iPhone app, users can see what a pair of breasts would like if they were surgically enlarged.

According to authorities, the man, whose identity has not yet been revealed, dived into a dumpster to avoid talking to the police about a domestic dispute that had taken place earlier. Apparently, it was garbage day, so the man was collected, as it were, along with the garbage.

One’s medicine cabinet can be extremely telling. As Seinfeld covered in “The Conversion” episode, its contents are like a private look into the owner’s life. This is just what we got when NBC released a list of all the medications found in Osama bin Laden’s medicine cabinet last week.

All of this acclaim, however, doesn’t mean that Lynch can make an effective commercial, at least in the traditional sense. This video, posted on his Vimeo, is an advertisement for “David Lynch’s Signature Cup Coffee” – available in House Blend, Espresso, and Decaf French Roast.

“In two weeks he was weaned of all the nausea drugs, and he was eating again and sitting up and laughing,” Hyde said to ABCNews.com. He called his son’s recovery “a miracle” and the marijuana, which Hyde also used for his own attention deficit disorder, a “godsend.”

When Karen Butler of Newport, Oregon went in for oral surgery about a year and a half ago, her life was changed forever. When the woman who has never been to Ireland in her life woke up, she spoke with an Irish accent, and she still does to this day.

So what’s Zuckerberg’s new place like? The $7 million, 5,000 square feet house is about a ten minute drive from what will soon be Facebook’s new headquarters in Menlo Park. The home includes a saltwater pool, five bedrooms, five full bathrooms, and a music alcove.

In a major WTF, Virginia? incident last week, a young girl was found caged in her crib inside her parents’ mobile home in Gloucester County. According to girl’s father, Brian Gore, she had been there since last summer.

The reason what many are calling the summer’s most anticipated film is getting so much attention is simple: Malick rarely makes films (this will be his fifth; his first was Badlands in 1973), and each time he does it’s a huge cultural event. Not only that, but the details around The Tree of Life’s story are shrouded in mystery, and no one has really said what it’s about other than in vague terms.

$45 million is going to be raised for product and brand placement in the latest installment of the James Bond series. This figure will mean the new film, yet untitled other than by its codename “Bond23,” will command the highest price for product placement in cinema history.

In a rather troubling incident that took place about two weeks ago, a mentally impaired man was shocked in the genitals with a taser while his attackers tattooed the word “RAPEST” – a misspelling of “rapist” – on his forehead. They also tattooed “I like little boys” on the victim’s chest.