Acronyms that Should Take Off

About five years ago, I began to notice a preponderance of acronyms being used in casual conversation, or even letters substituting words in sentences. When my friends and I were in the dining hall, we would say “lets get some Bs for the F,” meaning orange cream bars (OCBs) for the refrigerator. If we were in the dorms or, later, in our student apartment, the same thing would mean “beers for the fridge.” Then one day, telling one of my hallmates about an intimate encounter I’d had with a lady the day before, he inquired, “Did she S your D?” That one really stuck, and we began using different variations based on that theme (P in the V, etc.).

In the past year or so, I became aware of OTP (on the prowl), DTF (down to fuck), and more recently, DTC (down to chill). The popularity of these probably has something to do with Jersey Shore, but the possibilities are endless. What follows is a list of acronyms that I think should be adopted because of the way they describe certain social or sexual phenomena. I may or may not be the first person to have used them, and the list is by by no means exhaustive.

BID “Bring It Downstairs.” BID is a euphemism for effectively performing oral sex. “Last night Trixie seemed bored in bed. Maybe I didn’t BID.”

BWA “Below Waist Activity.” BWA is a delicate way of referring to sexual activities involving the genitals. “Hey Roxanne, did you and Tim bone last night?” “No, but there was some BWA.”

DAB “Down Ass Bro.” A Down Ass Bro is a bro with whom you can “bro out.” The word “down” implies easy-going, approachable, and willing. Our new roommate is a real DAB. He smoked me up last night and we snorted pills.

DAG “Down Ass Girl.” A Down Ass Girl is basically the female version of a DAB, except the “down” has a more specific connotation and suggests that said girl reigns in her femininity and can hang with the bros. A man does not have to censor himself in front of a DAG. Note: a DAG might also be DTF, but it’s not a requirement. Casey is such a DAG and I can talk with her about how Katy won’t S my D and she GETS it.

DFF A variation on “DTF,” DFF stands for “down for friendship.” I went on a date with Sarah last night. She’s cool but I think she’s only DFF because she turned her head away when I tried to plant one on her.

FF “Female Friend.” A Female Friend is just a platonic female friend of a dude. Using FF avoids the ambiguity of saying “girl friend.” “B” can be added in front to indicate “best” and another “F” can compliment the end to denote “forever.” Jane is my BFFF; we have known each other since high school. Because BFF is already commonly used to mean “best friend forever,” it is best to keep it to either FF or BFFF.

FOW “Fine Older Woman.” MILF (mom I’d like to fuck) is okay, but it’s vulgar, and plenty of women old enough to be mothers aren’t mothers. Besides, you don’t always know if an older woman is a mother unless you see her with her kids. Moreover, I don’t want to put my P in the V of every attractive older woman, but I can still readily say that they are fine. Juliette Binoche is such a FOW.

MF “Male Friend.” See FF above. Variations include BMF and BMFF (best male friend and best male friend forever).

QBF “Quasi-Boy Friend.” There is a distinct period in relationships when a man and a woman have not had “the talk” but it is clear that neither party is going to have sex with anyone else. The addition of “Q” (or “S” to indicate “semi”) is an easy way to indicate that the relationship is in this stage. My QBF Richard and I have been sleeping with each other for about five weeks now; I think we need to have “the talk.”

QGF “Quasi-Girl Friend.” See above.

SP “Sexual Partner.” FWB (friends with benefits) is a fine acronym, but it’s still relatively narrow. A lot of times, two people are “hooking up,” but they may or may not be friends and they may or may not be on the road to a relationship. SP encompasses all the possibilities. “Hey Dan, what’s with you and Lola?” “I dunno; she’s an SP.”

STD “Seal the deal.” This is a delicate why of saying sexual intercourse. “Hey bro, did you get with Rose last night?” “Yeah.” “Did you STD?” (Note: this is to be used carefully, as it could also imply the contraction of a sexually transmitted disease).

SUB “Straight Up Babe.” A Straight Up Babe is a girl or guy who is unequivocally hot and attractive. There were some SUBs at the bar last night.

_____

This list is incomplete, and I’m sure many other great acronyms will come to the reader’s mind. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments section.