7 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask A Tall Person

I come from a family of Amazons. I myself am 6’0″, my grandpa was 6’7″, and my sister rings in as the family shrimp at 5’8″. Besides her, no one in the extended family is shorter than 5’11″.

Much like Borana Greku, I also love being 6’0″. I spot my friends in 2.5 seconds at crowded concerts, can always reach the top shelf, and rarely have a problem being taken seriously.

People often have an overwhelming need to comment on my height or ask super original question. These are my favorites.

1. How’s the weather up there? What? I’m sorry I can’t hear you! The air is way thinner up here and it’s making me dizzy and unable to respond to any of your unoriginal questions. Seriously, just stop. That one got old back in the womb when I’m sure I had to listen to half-wits ask my mom that.

2. Do you play basketball? See, this one’s tough because I actually do play basketball. But I have plenty of other tall friends who are severely athletically challenged. My favorite response: no, do you play miniature golf?

3. You’re SO big! Alright, if you ABSOLUTELY MUST comment, stick to tall. Big or huge makes me feel like a walrus.

4. Can we stand back to back? You mean back to head or back to shoulders? No. Go away.

5. OMG! You and (insert name of current tall boyfriend/date here) would have the most gigantic, athletic children! I especially love this one when you’re with said current boyfriend/ date. Commence awkward eye shifting and immediate subject change.

6. Can you wear heels? Granted, the thought behind this question is completely fair. And to be honest, some days I don’t feel like dwarfing my dates, others I say just own it. But in response to can I wear them — last time I checked, I do have two feet. And these feet do have fully functioning, heel wearing capabilities.

7. How tall are you? WHAT!? REALLY?! THAT IS SO TALL! Captain Obvious, I thank you for your glowing observation. Next time we convene, bring along your buddies Major Manifest and Brother Blatant and we can all chat about how annoying political Facebook posts are.