You Thought He Was Perfect, But He Wasn’t ‘The One’

You thought he was “The One” because you were instantly attracted to him when you first met. He sat down across the table from you and you were immediately captivated. His eyes locked on yours and you could no longer hear or see anything else around you. He captured your attention at first glance in a way no other man had ever controlled your gaze.

After you parted ways, you couldn’t stop smiling, and it was noticeable. People complimented your upbeat mood, crediting your newfound happiness to the date they knew you went on. They had seen your smile before as your confidence had always shown, but this was different. This smile was a creation of someone else’s doing. A man that washed away any worries you had of opening your heart to someone again. As far as you were concerned, he was already the keeper of your heart and your soul.

That giddy feeling you haven’t had since college returned but in a less childish manner. Now marriage and children were on the brain instead of hookups and love notes. You envisioned having a family with this man, regardless of how many hours it had been since you first met. The thought of your future excited you in unimaginable ways because you finally found someone to replace that silhouette that usually occupied your future husband’s body in your dreams. And this man molded exactly into it.

If you could have screamed from the rooftops, you would have. Called your mother, your sister, your best friend. You had to resist telling everyone you came into contact with that you were off the market. The search was over. You had found your Mr. Right and were unavailable for the rest of your life. The logical part of your brain told you to slow down and enjoy the moment while every other fiber of you couldn’t wait to tell someone, anyone… to tell him he was perfect.

You were officially smitten by him. The sound of receiving a text message from him was like music to your ears. You couldn’t grab the phone fast enough to read what loving words he would pour over you today. The “good morning, beautiful” texts were your favorite, as they were an every morning occurrence. But the cute wink face emojis made you melt just as much. It showed he was thinking about you and wanted to tell you so.

Those first few dates, he treated you nicer than any man had in years. Opening car doors for you, insisting that you call him when you safely arrived home at night, cooking you dinner while he satisfied your ear with the same affectionate words you read from him earlier via text. It was like the fantasy boyfriend you wrote about in your journal was coming to life in front of you—right before your eyes, like you designed him yourself, from his chiseled body and mesmerizing smile all the way to his sweet gestures and gentlemen-like qualities. Was this man really yours? You could hardly believe it yourself.

Every time you were together, he checked off another desirable quality you didn’t realize you wanted. Like there was nothing else that you needed because he fulfilled every box, every requirement that would lock you in, till death do you part. Was he reading your mind? Or maybe God took note of your idea of an ideal partner and created him for you. You were almost looking for the red flags, as everything had never gone so perfectly for you before. It had to be too good to be true, right?

Before the end of the night, he wanted to know when he’d see you again. Like he wouldn’t be able to sleep unless he could count down the days until you were together again. Your future plans included one another. You started factoring each other into your holiday plans, upcoming engagements, and get-togethers. You wanted all of your friends to meet him, and he mentioned you meeting his family on more than one occasion. Until a few weeks ago, you had no idea that you would have someone in your life that would be this important to you, that you would be making plans for the new year with, and beyond.

When he told you he wasn’t seeing anyone else but you, you felt the most magical flutter in your chest. He was telling you that he chose you and that no one else was as valuable to him as you were. It solidified his feelings for you, making all your concerns or fears about him ease away. He picked you, and that’s all that mattered.

He took an interest in your life. Your hobbies and things that excited you naturally excited him too. He wanted to join you for a yoga class and attend parties with you. He invited you to a haunted hayride and begged to take you dancing to share experiences with you. The relationship felt unparalleled, like no one could break up this all-consuming romance you contrived. At this point, you were convinced he was “The One”.

How could you not be? You painted this picture of a man in your mind who was beyond comparison to anyone else you’ve ever been with, and then he appeared, not even a hair out of place. The exact human being that you saw yourself growing old with and developing a family with. In every way, through your eyes, he was perfect.

In the moment, it didn’t matter if he didn’t answer your phone calls or left your text messages on read. You weren’t concerned when he began to cancel plans with you and frequently made excuses for why he couldn’t see you. When he started working long hours and the “good morning” texts faded away, you didn’t question him at first because you wanted to believe that the man who possessed the key to your heart wasn’t drifting from your grasp.

Even when your friends warned you of the inevitable heartbreak they feared would happen, you refused to open your eyes to his imperfections—his inability to quell your insecurities and failure to be there when you needed him. The lies continued to come out of his mouth like heavily-crafted word vomit until the day you just stopped believing them. Until the day that you realized you deserved more than the concocted BS he fed you daily. That you were worth more than being another woman saved in his phone. You respected yourself; you loved yourself enough to walk away from a man that didn’t serve you and a relationship that would never retrieve its spark.

He was “The One.” He was perfect. Or so you thought.