39 Men Answer ‘What Makes A Girl Crazy?’
"My friend was dating a girl for a couple of months when she told him that she was pregnant and he was the father. He broke up with her after that because...they had never had sex."
By 
Clint Conway
1. Forever secretary?
I know one girl who still checked her ex boyfriend’s email 4 years after they broke up. I guess he never changed his password.
2. They should’ve started a religion!
My friend was dating a girl for a couple of months when she told him that she was pregnant and he was the father. He broke up with her after that because…they had never had sex.
3. Hardcore stalker
Went on a date with her, she was a super nice girl and …. okay …. in the looks department. I mean, I had fun on the date, but wasn’t attracted to her. Didn’t plan on a second.
One day she calls, and I answer because, what the hell. She asked what I was doing tonight, and the “She wants to know if we can go on a second date,” bell starts going off. I told her I had plans, which I legitimately did. “Plans doing what?”
“Uhhh… having dinner with my family and close friends.”
Long story short, she just showed up. And when she showed up, she didn’t say hi. Just stood behind my chair and stared. I had no idea she was there because my back was to the door. When dinner ended, she asked what I was doing then. I flat out told her that I was going home. She followed me home. Told her to leave, and never spoke to her again.
Creepiest goddamn thing in dating yet.
4. Intense “tattoo” art?
My roommate in college was dating a guy and he would often spend nights at our place. All of a sudden he stopped coming around. I asked her what happened to him and she said that she found out he had a crush on me. I asked how she knew and she informed me that he had carved MY name into his arm.
5. Not the best gift giver?
Showing up at a Donut Shop two months after the breakup to give you an anniversary gift, and it’s a gun rack.
6. Casting spells, or just crazy?
Waiting until everyone’s asleep, and then talking to herself in multiple voices, giggling sporadically.
Freaked my friend right the hell out.
7. Just having the eyes, man
Crazy eyes. I’m talking about you can see her entire iris and it looks like she’s trying to keep her eyes open as wide as possible. Something about it just makes them seem dead inside…
8. How can you turn this down?
I had a girl come up to me once at a party and tell me she hadn’t changed her panties in a week and would let me “do anal on her.”
Never spoke to her in my life before. She was a friend of a friend. I kindly turned down her offer.
9. Plz plz no
Talking about kid names at week 2.
NOPE….
10. Comparing sizes
Taking about the size of the dicks of the guys they’ve been with. As if thats somehow going to impress me or make me competitive.. Has happened to me twice
11. More dick-related stuff
I once had a girl go into great detail, while at dinner on our first date, about how her last two ex’s had huge penises and while she liked it she was always very sore for a few days after. She then told me she was happy she was out with a “normal” guy.
The thing is, she had never seen or felt mine and had no information about it at all. She hadn’t even asked me how big it was. She was just assuming, by looking at me, that I had a small penis.
12. Talking about ex’s is weird
For me when they mention any ex at all. Once or twice is fine. If it’s a funny story, go for it, I have a good sense of humour. But when it’s “don’t do that, my ex never did that” or, ” my ex does this so you should do it like that.” Yeah go back to him cheating and verbally abusing you then.
13. WTF is wrong with people
I remember a goth chick way back in jr high who used to try giving herself tattoos in class. She’d dip a sewing needle into ink and stab along her arm all through class. Tried talking to her asking if she was alright, but she kept going on about how cool it was and I really didn’t want her to try stabbing me with it (she asked if I wanted one when I saw her doing it).
Later on she used the same needle and would sew thread throughout her hand and arm. Seeing this actually made me pretty nauseous and thankfully our teacher finally noticed. I also noticed specks of blood on her desk afterwards and the janitor wiped it down with water and a paper towel.
14. This is just stupid
Girls that look to add you to their collection
“Oh, I’ve never been with a tall guy/black guy/uber driver before”.
I had someone try to sleep with me strictly because she had slept with my twin brother, and “wanted to complete the set.” Gross, Jill. Gross
15. Speaking in tongues
I met a girl at a bar one night and she gave me her number. I called the next day and we made plans for the weekend. We went to dinner and had a few drinks while listening to the band. The night was getting on and we decided to head back to her place.
Things got quiet during the car ride when out of nowhere she turned to me and said in a deep voice, ” Your mother’s name is Dorothy and you are the antichrist.” I immediately asked, “what?” Her reply was, “oh sometimes I just say weird things.” My moms name is Dorothy. Tldr; I may be the antichrist.
16. R u even human?
Randomly meowing like a cat. Had a girl do this all the time and I never knew how to respond.
17. Separation is okay!
if she keeps texting you every 5 minutes since you didn’t answer.
18. S-E-P-A-R-A-T-I-O-N
I was dating a cheerleader in college, and then I transferred and we kept dating. I would always complain about her, and when she visited, she was super nice and friendly to my whole social circle. So all my friends liked her and thought I was just being mean.
When were in a group, she called, and I didn’t answer. And I told them to pay attention to my phone. She called 15 times in a row (which was common). We were drinking, so we kinda made an impromptu drinking game out of it, my friends finally saw where I was coming from.
19. Interesting decorations
Horse posters. Stay away from the ones with horse posters.
20. Knives for teeth?
Once made out with one at a party and somehow cut my cheek. She didn’t have braces and she sliced my cheek from the inside.
21. Just f*cking nuts
Her stalking the guy all the way to the mall where he was having lunch with his mother and friends after she just threatened to tell his entire family that he “raped her” if he ever tried to break up with her. This was only one of the many stunts she pulled. That girl was absolutely nuts.
Man, with friends like these, I don’t need to bother with watching daytime television. I got all the drama I need right here.
22. STOP
When she says, “I went through your phone last night…who’s mom?”
23. She be creepin’
Creeping through your phone/FB inbox. With my wife, I’m an open book; she knows my passwords and has access to all of that stuff. But she never goes through it because she’s not an insecure mess.
My ex OTOH, I never gave her any of my passwords because I didn’t trust her. She creeped through my computer a few times when I was asleep. There’s no need for that even though I have nothing to hide. Just let me have some privacy, and trust me.
24. C-R-A-Z-Y
When I caught her in the bathroom after a bj rubbing my wad into her pussy. I assumed she was just spitting it out in the sink and cleaning up. Nope. She was 35 and really wanted a baby before “it was too late”
25. Weird quotes
If they use that quote “if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”, I can guarantee you they’re a fucking whack job.
26. Getting in our business
Getting too touchy or even trying to kiss you when you’re not interested. I mean, what the fuck, if a dude did that they’d be accused of sexual assault, but some women just don’t see it as wrong.
27. Breaking and entering
Crazy girl I dated once broke into my pad when I wasn’t there and touched a bunch of my shit and went through things. She tried to make-up some excuse about forgetting her key, but she failed to acknowledge I had locked the doors.
Turns out she stole my housekey, made a copy of her own, then came around when I wasn’t there to chill. I only went out with her a couple times, but since I tapped it she somehow figured my shit was now her’s!
28. More animal stuff
One of my exes (God, that feels awkward saying) would hide under her bed when emotionally distressed (she was also a cutter to make things worse)and one time the police had to pull her out. She was reported hissing and growling at the officers like a cat during the event.
She had also hidden a vial filled with her blood and her ex’s (she had some very serious problems) under the bed as well. She apparently had a lot of stuff from her ex (and myself after we broke up) that she stashed throughout her room for safe keeping.
29. Wowowowowow
I had a buddy, his ex tried to poison him by putting windshield wiper fluid in his ice cubes. He was a day laborer and drank tons of water. He started to put it together when the water tasted funny all the time and he kept getting bad headaches.
30. Watching me from her car
I was seeing a girl for a bit… Nothing exclusive… A month or two in, she gives me the we should be exclusive talk. I don’t think I can see someone who sees other women. I told her that I liked her, but I wasn’t really looking for anything monogamous. Same story that I’ve given her from the start. So she leaves my house in tears. Ends things. So I was disappointed because she was nice, but I understood her position too, but I didn’t want to budge on mine either. Fast forward the next day and I haven’t answered her texts. I get a text that says, I left something at your door… So I’m like WTF? She left a card, and a journal since I write music. Super sweet gift. I messaged her back, asking hey? why didn’t you ring the door bell and come in? And she’s like well I didn’t think you’d want to see me or talk to me anymore… bla bla bla…
So we spend the next two hours re-hashing the few months we spent together. I decide to go jump in the pool for an hour and chill. Come back out, and my phone is filled with texts. But now it’s filled with pictures of my house! I’m like WTF is this? I was in the pool, whats going on? And she was like, I never went home after I dropped off the gift. I’m parked across the street.
Creeped me the fuck out. I invited her in. She gave me the I don’t care if you see other people and I ended it there. It was super creepy. For a few hours she was parked outside my house, talking to me, rather than coming in and having a talk… That sealed it for me…
31. Goodbye, then.
Had a girl talk to herself in the bathroom mirror at 2 in the morning about her day because “I didn’t give her enough attention.”
32. That’s awkward
Smearing menstrual blood on her face.
33. A little too horny
There’s this girl in my graduate classes—god damnit. She will send me texts in the middle of our 4 our classes telling me how much she needs to masturbate. Or maybe sometimes just describing the erotic fan fiction she is reading. Or asking me to tell her a dirty joke late at night. Or randomly sending me emojis about drinking cum (eggplants and the like). Or making a face like she wants to suck my dick EVERY TIME she leave my apartment. Jesus, just stop already, I’m not into it.
34. Jesus…
writing you a letter in their period blood telling you they want your baby. bar seems to be set a bit high for women than men but that did it for me
35. Please let this be fake.
I currently work (occasionally) with this really socially awkward girl. Being socially awkward isn’t a big deal. But when we’re in the office together, she sits in a corner on the ground in fetal position, lies on the ground all huddled up, and other odd things. She has walked to a set of curtains and wrapped it around herself like a cocoon in front of around 14 people who were in the room with us at the same time, told a colleague that he should cut off half his face because it would be cool, told the same colleague that she wants to jump off the building and stab herself in the stomach (but she doesn’t want to die), asked multiple people what they would do if she punched them in the face (she couldn’t hurt a fly because she is so damn scrawny).
She also states that she can’t eat meat because before her dietary choice of only eating potatoes (no meat, fish, processed food, soy, legumes, grains or bread) after eating meat, 2-3 weeks later, she would feel sick. (I’m pretty sure her body would have processed the meat long before she would feel ill, but she “knows things” about her body). Though she says she doesn’t eat processed foods, she buys these food bars off the internet and eats them. Bars of food do not grow on goddamn trees in perfectly rectangular prisms you daft girl!
We live in the same building and I was came back home in the late evening, and found her sitting on the ground in the dark. All I saw was her pasty white face in the darkness like some ghost. Apparently the neighbours saw her there too. She had found a stray cat and named it and was just sitting there in the dark petting it. (I like cats too, but I don’t act as creepy as she does.) She took the cat in despite the building not allowing pets. It’s a running joke among colleagues that everyone should make sure they lock their doors because she’d probably kill you in your sleep if she had the chance and her explanation/defense would be “But the cat told me to do it.”
She shows up to social gatherings like movie nights and brings cat hair covered cookies for her potluck contribution. Then she proceeds to wrap herself in a blanket she brings with her and sleeps in her cocoon state. We’ve been hoping that she just stops coming to events we invite her to out of obligation. Also the hope of her coming out of her blanket cocoon as normal person after a metamorphosis would be nice.
36. lowkey
I had a girl collect my hair once.
37. Imaginary sexual tension
When she comes up to you at a party and starts talking about the (non-existent) “undeniable sexual tension” between us, and how this party was a great place for everyone to relieve their sexual tension. I noped the fuck out of that conversation in record time.
It’s probably worth noting that I had only really talked to her once before when we were both in a group on 10 or so people playing drinking games at college. She was fairly flirty and made a couple of advances which I did not reciprocate, because I was seeing someone at the time, and made that quite clear.
38. Weird small talk
When you jokingly say you like spoons and she follows you around campus for four years, almost never talking to you or acknowledging your waves—except occasionally to ask if you “remember that we both like spoons a lot.”
39. hello, it’s me.
When I was in college, a girl in one of my art seminar classes had a crush on me. Somehow she found out where I lived on campus and one day when I looked out my window, she was standing outside staring at me.
