An Open Letter Of Apology To The Girl I’ve Hurt

I’m sorry.

This might be the hundredth time you have heard me telling you these two words, but still, I’m sorry. I was young when I broke your heart. I was reckless when I left you hanging, almost falling apart. I’d be a hypocrite if I tell you that I didn’t mean it. I know you will curse me to death if I ever tell you that I tried my best to fix what we had. The truth is, I tried, but I’m afraid I didn’t try hard enough.

I’m sorry.

I was too blinded by my previous relationship before you that I didn’t see how hard you were trying to successfully mend my wounded heart. I was too focused on my prospective career that I didn’t notice how much time and effort you have invested in me, just to support and motivate me to become a better version of myself. I was too foolish for overusing the words “busy” and “tired” as excuses for not returning your messages and calls; for cancelling our date at such short notice; for keeping you waiting in vain.

I’m sorry, for all our plans that didn’t happen, for all the promises that I failed to keep. I know I promised you that I would fly halfway across the globe in order to be with you. I genuinely wanted to do that, I nearly had my tickets booked, if you only knew. But then, I also know that I was only loving you half-heartedly. I was still protecting my guarded heart while you were loving me wholeheartedly. I was such a coward. I wasn’t brave enough to face all the challenges and responsibilities that come along with commitment. I wasn’t ready for a commitment. You have given me the kind of love that is greater than what I am capable of giving, at that time. I wasn’t prepared. It was all extremely overwhelming.

I was so scared of getting hurt that I have accidentally inflicted you the pain that I was consistently avoiding.

I’m sorry.

Now that I am older and wiser, I’ve realized that you don’t deserve the kind of treatment that I have given two years ago when you were still with me. You never deserved it. Instead, you deserve to be loved, unconditionally and whole-heartedly.

You deserve to be chosen, undoubtedly. You deserve to receive all the attention, time and effort that you have been generously giving to the person you love.

You deserve all those returned calls, cute long messages, cheesy surprises. You deserve to be treated like a princess.

Two years have passed. So far, I have not met anyone who has matched the love you made me feel. So far, you were the only one that has been real. However, please be rest assured that I am not expecting you to take me back and give me a second chance once you have read this. After everything I have done, I personally believe that I don’t deserve another shot. I only want you to know how sorry I am for taking you for granted, for letting you slip away.

From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.

Perhaps, you will always be the one that got away.