Christopher Hudspeth

1. Who are those teenagers laughing at? Me, probably. Yep, it’s definitely me that they’re laughing at, so the real question is what did I do wrong? 2.

Mandatory things that require pants and waking up before 9am.

Due to inconsistent fitness habits and a love for buffets, my body has fluctuated in recent months. One week there’s abs, another there’s just mushiness.

Abs in pain, bladder on the brink of bursting, and tears coming out of your eyes. Enter those symptoms into WebMD and they’ll tell you it’s terminal illness, but it’s actually just the absolute best type of crying.

The 12-Hour+ Response Time

Meth! Mmmm, Meth!

Like the lottery numbers were being read off and you had correctly guessed the first five, but as the sixth was being announced someone snatched your ticket, and now they might win the jackpot that could’ve (and probably should’ve) been yours.

If you’re not elite at multitasking, dedicating time to each dream will mean they’ll all suffer a bit, because you need to be fully invested and focused on each, individual goal.

Jake from State Farm.

Level 4: Using The Phrase “Open your eyes.”

People are so shocked but happy to see you out that they look at you like you’re the ghost of a dead celebrity, or a super rare Pokémon.

Because even if you win, you lose.