Dr. Seuss Presents: The Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte

Kayla rose out of bed, today she stood tall.
Maybe not heightwise, but she was ready for fall.
She thoroughly brushed her teeth, she merrily washed her face.
She texted her boyfriend Keith, and told him to head to her place.
Kayla said, “Be here in five!” Keith was there in seven or eight
When he arrived she scolded him, “Seriously, Keith? You’re so late!”
She got in the car, and the two were on their way.
They were headed to Starbucks on this glorious day.

Why all the excitement? What had Kayla so happy?
Why was she in such rush? Why was she so snappy?
I’ll tell you why, but only once, not twice,
Kayla was going to get a latte. What kind? Pumpkin Spice!
Cinnamon lattes were good, Iced Vanilla ones were better!
But up against Pumpkin Spice, other flavors couldn’t measure.
She craved lots of Pumpkin Spice. Yes, she wanted plenty.
Not Tall or Grande, Kayla wanted Venti!

She yelled at Keith some more, telling him to drive faster.
He went 70 miles per hour, swerving to avoid disaster.
Then that’s when it happened, blue and red filled their sights.
There were ringing sirens to match the flashing police lights.
“Officer I can explain” Keith started to say.
“Hush son, do you know why I pulled you over today?”
“I was going a little fast, officer, it was just a mistake”
Keith was so incredibly nervous, you could see his hands shake.

*“God, Keith, quit acting like a little bitch” muttered Kayla…*

They stepped out of the vehicle as the officer requested.
Keith was scared of going to jail, he’d never been arrested.
The cop checked their IDs and searched inside of the car.
He saw Kayla’s brass knuckles on the dash, which he found bizarre.
He said “What’s this abo—“ SMACK! Kayla hit the cop in the face!
She kicked him in the gut and grabbed the gun from his waist.
She pointed it directly at him, and calmly she said,
“Forget any of this happened or you’ll wind up dead.”
Kayla yelled “I’ll drive!” and made Keith ride shotty.
She knocked the cop unconscious with a chop she’d learned in karate.

Oh yeah folks, let’s discuss Kayla’s past.
She had a criminal record from the various charges she’d amassed.
Two years ago it was theft, a year ago indecent exposure.
A few weeks ago she assaulted a stranger after losing her composure.
Now Kayla had broken more laws, but it wasn’t like she cared.
Not getting a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte was the only thing that made her scared.

Keith kept begging Kayla, “Babe, please stop the car!”
Kayla said, “Calm down you weenie, we’re not even that far!”
Two minutes later, Kayla turned into the Starbucks parking lot.
Immediately she found an open spot… wait, no, there’s a Fiat.
She HATED when that happened, thinking she’d found an open space.
Who made these stupid tiny cars? She’d like to punch them in the face.
Kayla found a closer spot, this had worked out super!
Oops, never mind, parked there was a MINI Cooper.

Kayla eventually got a spot and Keith ran away as she marched inside.
She cut the entire line, she would not be denied.
“Hi, what can I make for you?” the barista, Jake asked.
“One Venti Pumpkin Spice latte, and can you make it fast?”
“We’ll sure try, may I please have your name?”
“Don’t try, just do, and it’s Kayla” she proclaimed.

Shortly thereafter Jake the barista announces.
“Kayla your Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte’s ready, all 24 ounces!”
Kayla grabs the cup, and takes her first sip.
But she knows something is off the moment it touches her lips.
She couldn’t immediately tell what, but something was wrong.
Had she forgotten how Pumpkin Spice tasted since it had been so long?
No, that couldn’t be it, then she looked at the cup.
This incompetent fool had really screwed up.
It wasn’t the beverage itself, Jake messed up something more important.
It was inexcusable even if it was inadvertent.

What had Jake done? He spelled her name the wrong way.
It was so, so simple: K-A-Y-L-A
Jake the barista had written CAILA, Kayla flashed him a glare.
He didn’t immediately make eye contact so she had to angrily stare.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE?”
Poor Jake, Kayla’s wrath had only just begun.
She called him every name in the book, she verbally abused him.
Jake the barista thought it was funny, her overreaction amused him.
He laughed in her face, oh what a mistake.
What happened next can’t be described, but please #PrayForJake.

Later that night from jail, Kayla thought about her actions.
Was the punishment for lashing out worth the moment’s satisfaction?
What if she was nice? What if she was calm?
What if she wasn’t cold as ice? What if she wasn’t a ticking bomb?
She just wanted that beverage, but couldn’t she be kinder?
Did she have to go and put Jake the barista’s hand in a coffee grinder?
Did she have to treat people bad when they didn’t even give a reason?
…Yes, yes she did, because it was pumpkin spice season.

image – Shutterstock 1, 2 & 3