10 Mind-Blowing, Bizarre 90s Cartoon Theories

1. Gaston From Beauty And The Beast Is A Repressed Homosexual

This theory is somewhat undeveloped and difficult to find details on, but basically the over-the-top, ultra-macho persona is an act, and Gaston is secretly gay – perhaps even for his buddy LeFou. See, Gaston overcompensates by being as masculine as possible, yet he brushes off the abundance of women throwing themselves at him. Subconsciously he goes after Belle, who he knows would never touch him. His immature courting process doesn’t stand a chance of resulting in anything with her, and he knows that.

Belle then gets a rich, abusive boyfriend who locks her up and doesn’t release her until she’s gone Stockholm, and when Gaston tries to come to her aid, the psycho boyfriend kills him. Gaston died knowing he was gay, but not knowing that he knew he was gay.

2. Doug Was Sexually Assaulted By Mr. Dink & Took Drugs To Cope (It felt weird to even type that sentence out.)

I feel like it’s about to get a little stranger, so just pretend a little ‘TV MA’ logo popped up to warn you of the impending eeriness. Ready? K, so, this theory states that Doug’s neighbor, Mr. Dink, was a child predator who preyed on Doug, leading to Doug taking LSD (that he stole from sister Judy’s room) as a coping mechanism. Here’s the imagination stretching evidence to back those allegations:

– Mr. Dink always invites Doug into his home to show him some “very expensive” high-tech gadget. Even in the first episode when they meet, Mr. Dink pressures Doug into coming over to watch a video. Also, there’s a point in the show where Dink offers Doug a chance to work in his heavily secured shed.

– Mr. Dink has no children, but is the leader of Doug’s Bluffscout troop. There’s an episode where Doug, Skeeter and Mr. Dink get lost while canoeing. Dink says he’s going to search for camp, and when Doug & Skeeter go after him, they find him butt naked in a tree, claiming to have to have “lost” his pants.

Mounting a tree in the nude while in the wilderness with two 11-year-old boys? Suspect.

– Judy never wants Doug in her room. It’s a strongly enforced rule, and in an episode where Doug went through Judy’s belongings, she’s irate. Why? Because obviously she’s got a ton of LSD in there, and doesn’t want Doug finding and/or mooching on her stash.

– The LSD would explain all of Doug’s hallucinations. We thought it was daydreaming, but were we actually riding the enchanted train on Doug’s psychedelic journeys? There was an episode where Doug is home alone, sneaks into Judy’s room and later, while in the basement, begins hallucinating. Yeah, more like Drug Funnie. For the more detailed theory, click here.

3. The Magic School Bus Was About A Special Education Class

This little known, borderline uncharted theory states that Ms. Frizzle is the teacher of a special education class. The general idea is that a class of eight is noticeably small, as special education classes tend to be. Then there’s the fact that the magic school bus itself is visibly short, and the students are always going on field trips and doing fun things, but not any basic, grade school classwork. Since any elaborate discussions on this have yet to take place, I think we should take it for what it’s worth and move on to a different, more satisfying Magic School Bus theory:

4. The Magic School Bus Kids Grew Up To Be On Captain Planet

At the very least, this is an incredibly magnificent coincidence.

5. The Rugrats Don’t Exist, Except For Angelica

This is perhaps the most popular, unsettling theory of them all, but it’s worthy of being shared because it’s just that demented. Here’s the gist:

The babies are figments of Angelica’s imagination. The DeVilles had an abortion and Angelica couldn’t decide if it was a boy or girl, so her creative brain decided to roll with twins. Chuckie died along with his mother, which explains the overly anxious complete mess of a grown man that his father, Chaz always is. Then there’s Tommy. Tommy was a stillborn, which explains why Stu relentlessly builds toys in his basement – they’re all for the dead son who never lived to play with them. Suzie was Angelica’s only real-life friend, and she just went along with the preposterous fantasies for Angelica’s sake.

That. Is. Dark. Out of all the eerie Rugrats moments none delivered the chills that this incredibly peculiar theory does. I need some Dunkaroos and Ecto Cooler Hi-C to salvage my ailing 90s heart, stat!

Click here if you want the full Rugrats theory, which gets bleaker and involves baby Dil & the Rugrats Grown Up.

6. Batman’s Villains Didn’t Exist, They Each Represented An Aspect Of His Damaged Mind.

That’s right, this suggests that Batman The Animated Series was about Bruce Wayne battling inner demons. The main antagonists each represent something different. Mr. Freeze denotes Bruce’s inability to maintain long-term relationships with others. Penguin symbolizes his wealth and class. Two-Face embodies his clash between Bruce Wayne the billionaire philanthropist and Batman, the caped crusader. Then there’s the Joker, who signifies the intrusive, insane thoughts that are a result of his parents’ senseless deaths.

I know, Batman existed before 1993, but this theory states that it’s in regards to this specific version, and the way it was approached.

7. Pinky And The Brain Aren’t What We Assumed

So this particular concept has more logical evidence than any of the others, and honestly feels more like actuality decoded than a random theory. The idea? Pinky is actually the genius. Here are some supporting facts:

– The intro theme says “One is a genius, the other’s insane,” but doesn’t specify who is which one.

– More often than not, each episode features Brain concocting a plan to take over the world, Pinky having legitimate input, Brain brushing Pinky off, and the plan going awry because Brain didn’t heed Pinky’s advice.

– There’s an episode where Brain goes on a game show and loses on a question that Pinky had the answer to.

– In aforementioned episode, we see that Pinky can read, and Brain is hardly capable of writing his name.

– There’s an episode where Brain calculates precisely what causes his plans to fail. The machine initially blames Pinky, so Brain creates a machine that turns Pinky into a genius, yet his personality doesn’t appear to change at all. Pinky then points out that Brain had made a mistake in his previous calculations, and he’s the one to blame for his botched schemes.

Remain unconvinced if you’d like, but I can’t ignore what appears to be more of an uncovered truth than a theory. From now on, I’ll assume Pinky is the mastermind.

8. Hey Arnold Is A Show About Helga

This doesn’t need to be delved into, because the instant you hear that it’s like, “Oh yeah, that actually makes sense.” However, let’s take a look at some things that support this notion:

– Helga is the only character who has scenes delivering lengthy speeches.
– The show focuses on Helga’s personal issues and inner struggles.
– THE NAME OF THE CARTOON IS A QUOTE DIRECTLY FROM HELGA, “HEY ARNOLD!”

Think about it – we know as much, if not more about Helga than we do Arnold. Her mother is an alcoholic, her father doesn’t pay her attention, she’s somehow expected to be as successful as her older sister. Life is rough, and that’s not even mentioning the aspect of childhood romance (her intense crush on Arnold) that kids could empathize with Helga on. Let’s face it, folks, if Helga weren’t so obsessed with Arnold, he might not have his name in the title. Is Helga an expendable character or a staple of the series?

9. Aladdin Takes Place In The Future

Here’s a magic carpet ride for you – there’s a scene in which Genie says that Aladdin’s clothing is “so 3^rd century.” It’s established that Genie was locked in a lamp for the past 10,000 years, so he couldn’t have known 3^rd century fashion. With that in mind, Aladdin is actually taking place in the future – at least 10,300 A.D.

We are witnessing a post-apocalyptic wasteland, where some Arabic culture managed to survive. Suddenly the flying carpet can be attributed to advanced technology, not magic. lago, the witty parrot, is genetically engineered and understands human speech instead of imitating it. Hopefully our modern day technology can fix a blown mind, because damn. Oh, and people say that’s why the Genie was capable of performing impressions of long-dead (by 10,300), legendary famous people like Jack Nicholson and Groucho Marx.

10. Each Character On SpongeBob SquarePants Represents One Of The 7 Deadly Sins

That pretty much sums it up, here are the details:

Sloth: Patrick, who is obviously lazy.
Wrath: Squidward, who is constantly in a bad mood and hates pretty much everything.
Greed: Mr. Krabs is blatantly greedy and money driven.
Envy: Plankton envies Mr. Krabs’ success, as his business, The Chum Bucket fails miserably.
Gluttony: Gary eats a lot. There’s a regularly spoken phrase, “Don’t forget to feed Gary” that supports this.
Pride: Sandy is a proud Texan who vocalizes that often.
Lust: SpongeBob is habitually overly friendly with people, and appears to love everyone, even if that feeling isn’t reciprocated.

This does feel like a reach, but no more than Doug stealthily invading Judy’s room to jack her LSD, which is most definitely some type of sin. If this didn’t tickle your fancy, there’s another SpongeBob theory that says the characters are a result of a nuclear explosion.

Alright, folks, I wouldn’t want to take it too far and legitimately risk the sanctity of such a precious decade of television, so I’ll stop. That’s enough internet for now, though I don’t know if it’s much safer in public, where the weirdos who whipped up these theories might be roaming the streets. 

Originally seen on Things 90s Kids Realize.