9 Things Only Attractive People Can Get Away With

1. Quirkiness. If your ways are unconventional and a little off-the-wall, but you’re not good looking, people don’t say, “Oh, that person’s so charming & eccentric!” You’re more likely to be unfairly labeled strange and weird and peculiar and ew, what’s wrong with him/her. If Zooey Deschanel looked more like Zooey Davechappelle, surely her fun ways wouldn’t be so widely embraced.

2. Super forward romantic gestures. Aesthetically pleasing folks can take chances to express their feelings in the form of a elaborate courting efforts and it’ll be okay because good-looking. Take that kind of super bold risk with someone who doesn’t find you attractive and you could be in for a huge plate of disappointment, with a side of humiliation. Humble pie for dessert, washed down with a tough pill to swallow.

3. Believing mom compliments. When you’re not obviously gorgeous, being called beautiful or handsome by your mother feels kind of like great service at a restaurant. Sure, it’s pleasant and kind, but ultimately it’s expected because that’s part of the job.

4. Being a garbage human being (personality wise). That’s not to say that anyone should embrace being an awful-to-the-core individual, but if you’ve got a symmetrical face, a large portion of people will let that compensate for the lack of decency within. If you’re not good looking AND you’re an a-hole, well then the deck is really stacked against you because you’ve got to have something to offer.

5. Being embraced in all environments. I have this thing called the M&M Theory. Basically, the average person is a bag of plain M&Ms. However; our value depends on the surroundings. If you’re a bag of plain M&Ms sitting in the candy aisle, surrounded by Skittles, Starburst, Snickers, Twix and other treats that are widely considered tastier, you aren’t too appealing. This is the equivalent of being in an upscale nightclub where everyone looks Photoshop’d and acts snobby. Now, when you’re those same plain M&Ms, but you’re in a bag of trail mix, surrounded by peanuts, almonds, raisins, and other not-chocolate ingredients, your stock rises significantly — and you might even be considered a hot commodity. People will disregard those other trail mix components because they want you. So much has to do with your environment, but attractive people are good to go in all atmospheres.

TL;DR: Society has created leagues based on looks, but if you’re attractive you can play in whichever one you want. Also, I like M&Ms.

6. Speeding/getting in trouble in general. “Sorry officer, I didn’t realize I was going so fast and I didn’t know that was a person I ran over a few miles back.” *bats pretty ass eyelashes & gets off with a warning*

7. Flirting. Much like with the romantic gesture point mentioned earlier, flirting goes like this:

Attractive person persistently makes eye contact: Immediately excited.

Unattractive person persistently makes eye contact: Immediately irritated.

8. Be unoriginal/dull/on the cusp of stupidity. You’ve seen the girl who posts obnoxiously basic quotes or the guy who says something incredibly dumb and boring, yet somehow it gets all of the ‘likes’ as if they’ve delivered remarkable, profound insight. Sure, less attractive folks can post a lame Facebook status or what have you, they just won’t be treated special, as if they’ve said something brilliant.

9.  Dressing carelessly. If you’re still pretty/handsome while wearing sweatpants and an oversized shirt, people take that as a sign of just how naturally #blessed you are. Do that when you aren’t a cliché attractive person and you’ll be looked at as some raggedy, tattered pile of laundry that somehow became self aware. People might even take pictures of you and share them on social media with cruel hashtags because 2014.