7 Quick, Original Poems About The Internet

words about the internet and stuff.

Updated 11 years ago, December 20, 2013

Long ago, at a community college far, far away, I took a poetry class. I wasn’t particularly good at it and I haven’t attempted poetry since, which gives me no reason to believe that the word concoctions below are going to be enjoyed, but I’d like to believe that there’s a chance I’ve improved. During that semester I grew enthusiastic about poetry and it became my second favorite activity that I was lackluster at. Blackjack was my numero uno, but since I don’t have to pay $10 per subpar poem, I’d like to rekindle this flame. I worked harder on these than you might think, and I hope someone (anyone?) enjoys one or more of them.

Critic

This sucks, we want better
we want funny, we want clever
we want epic, we want brilliant
we want stories of resilience
we want tales of glory, and accounts of success
we want insightful, we want your very best
we’re your readers, provoke our thoughts for goodness’ sake!
Oh, look over there it’s ‘28 Epic Pictures Of Cake.’ *clicks*

You’re & Your

You’re & Your walk into a bar.
Bartender says, “Hey, identical twins!”
Your says “Close, but no cigar.”
You’re can’t help but grin.
“See, he has an apostrophe between his ‘u’ & ‘r,’ – also, he’s got an ‘e’
Bartender says, “I don’t see it, but before you drink that beer I need ID”
Your and You’re share a glance, chug their glasses and start to flee
“Hey, c’mon, get back here you too.” the Bartender tries to plea
Bartender goes to call the cops, as he yells “Your not getting away!”
But he could never predict what would happen to him that day.
The authorities arrived, but it was the bartender they’d come to seize,
Your & You’re had told on him first, they’d called the Grammar Police.

lists

100 things I want to tell you.
90 things you don’t care to hear.
80 disaster tips you never knew.
70 inspirational quotes about fear.
60 facts about staying afloat.
50 pictures of sinking ships.
40 life vest reviews that I wrote.
30 Titanic GIFs.
20 hints that aren’t being taken.
10 reasons this is everyone’s shtick.
5 photos of the Grim Reaper that’ll leave you shaken.
1 last chance, please? I’ll die if you don’t click!

Credit

My stuff is on Tumblr, cool!
My stuff has 12,025 notes, awesome!
My stuff has no recognition of me and zero links back to my original work. Just fucking fantastic!

#haiku

popularity
please follow me on twitter
voluntarily

Google search

Where’d you go?
I missed you so.
Seems like its been forever, since you’ve been gone.
I don’t know by who, but I know that’s a song.
I haven’t heard it in years but it randomly popped in my head,
it’s keeping me awake at 2am, so I’ll bring my laptop into bed.
Ah yes, I was remembering the lyrics incorrectly,
but as usual you’re impressive, you always seem to get me.
A few small tweaks and your search provided 155,000 results!
Hey, now that I’m wide awake, what kind of “stuff” you got for adults?

Breakup

It’s not you, it’s meme.
You’ve got plenty of cats, so you’ll be fine when I leave.
I can’t give you what you want right now and time apart is what that warrants,
we need the space immediately, and I’m not talking Gravity torrents.
We should see other people, maybe try Plenty Of Fish?
I love you but I’m not in love with you, your happiness is still my only wish.
We tried to make it work but I see things slowly starting to diminish.
What’s the point of being unhappy, Wi-Fight to the inevitable finish?