The Signs You’re An Emotional Masochist
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’ll have a fourth and fifth because I'm an emotional masochist.
Do you wonder sometimes if you‘re more comfortable being sad and unhappy? I have a theory that some people fear reaching happiness so they convince themselves they’re pursuing it, but do things like tie their own shoes together or drop banana peels directly in front of the path they’re walking so they trip and slip along the way. That, or they need validation for eating absurd amounts of ice cream & drinking wine by the bottle, and being emotionally distraught is always a legit excuse for an abundance of pick-me-ups. OR you’re optimistic to a fault, and too hopeful for people and scenarios to improve without you taking action.
Whatever the case, there are some definitive tendencies of the emotional masochist, and here they are:
1. Indulging in depressing music. Talk about sadism for feelings, there’s nothing like 50 Shades of Coldplay (or Bon Iver or any other sentimental songs for that matter) to leave you lying on the floor, weeping in the fetal position. Let’s face it, when you willingly listen to things like In The Arms Of an Angel by Sarah McLaughlin, you know what you’re getting yourself into, and it damn sure isn’t happiness.
2. Getting back with exes who previously hurt you. Who knows what they did to become your ex, but in your mind who cares either? It’s water under the bridge that they’re probably going to push you off of, watching as you plunge into the stream below. They may hop in and pull you out every few weeks as your relationship is rekindled, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re essentially welcoming emotional water-boarding. You know he/she isn’t going to change for you, but there you are, gasping for breath.
3. You remain in “friendships” with people who make you feel like crap. The toxic people we allow to remain a part of our lives never make sense once you cut the cancerous tumor and realize what you were putting yourself through. However, if you’re a glutton for punishment you’ll put on blinders to their bull feces and refuse to diagnose the blatantly poisonous growth that is their presence in your life.
4. You answer late night requests of a booty call who you have actual feelings for. You hate being an option; especially the last one who doesn’t get an invite to spend time until after 1am, but that doesn’t mean you won’t jolt towards a call of duty when it comes in. Silly cow, give them the milk for free and they’re not going to even consider buying.
5. You love to read the comments on something you put online. If you’ve ever written or created anything and shared it with the people of the Internet, you know you’re at risk to be a piñata of sorts, allowing savages an opportunity to cock back and swing with the force of 1,000 Sammy Sosa’s, fully intent on busting you open. There’s no candy involved, but the taste of your salty tears is the elixir of their life, and if you happily read comments without a slight cringe in anticipation of what you’ll find, you’re in the minority – mainly because you’re into experiencing the agony. Yeah, punch me in the feelings, it hurts so good.
6. You’re a Chicago Cubs fan. As a loyal lover of the Cubbies I can attest to this firsthand, which is why I felt it was necessary to include here. Wrigley Field is basically a place for emotional masochists to gather every April-September, but rarely ever October. Same goes for select professional sports teams. Fans, you know who you are. (Charlotte Bobcats, Detroit Lions, etc.)
7. You self-destruct. When something is bad, or not ideal for that matter, you’ll blow it up entirely. It happens many ways, perhaps sometimes it’s even subconsciously, and can be mild or extreme self-sabotage. I said something that slightly offended one person and was 5-seconds of awkwardness, so now I’ve got to NOT drop that brief moment and overcompensate, perhaps by getting hammered and ending up being extremely offensive to several people because that first blemish on the night was a hiccup worthy of total demolition! 
