13 Things We Were Probably Supposed To Grow Out Of, But Never Did
1. Boredom at Home Depot. How can one large building carry so many items that we have zero interest in buying? Slabs of wood? Don’t care. 47,852 types of screws, nuts and bolts? No thanks. Tile? Meh. Home Depot is a handyman’s happy place, but to the average person who only installs and repairs things with a couple clicks on their laptop, this establishment is the worst and it has been since our age was a single digit.
2. Finding farts funny. The only difference between five-year-old you and current you is that now you might have the ability to contain your amusement when an untimely fart happens in a serious or professional environment, whereas 15-20+ years ago you’d have burst into laughter.
3. Wanting to play with/on shopping carts. Isn’t it just natural instinct to feel the immediate urge to jump aboard a shopping cart and glide like you’re on a scooter every time you go grocery shopping? The only reason I use hand baskets is because I’m not sure I can contain myself otherwise.
4. Halloween. Not only has Halloween remained a relevant, highly anticipated, epic day, but it has improved significantly as we became adults. Now we can purchase our own elaborate and/or provocative costumes, then focus on the candy aspect a day or two after Halloween. Y’know, when bags of miniature Snickers bars are 75% off.
5. Settling significant decisions via Rock, Paper, Scissors. Maybe the stakes and importance of the matters being settled have risen, but our solution remains the same. It’s quick, it’s easy and typically the winner of two out of three games is sitting pretty in the situation.
6. Being astonished by pillow & blanket forts. There’s an unexplainable mystique surrounding the appeal and fun of being in any typical room that has been transformed into a fort with a blanket rooftop and some comfy pillows filling the area below. See, Home Depot – this is the type of stuff we like to build, not sheds.
7. Blowing bubbles in drinks through a straw. Is it boredom? Is it immaturity? Is it ever going to be something we don’t instinctually do? That remains to be seen.
8. The ice cream truck. The fact that ice cream trucks are not seen as frequently nowadays as they were in most of our childhoods makes their rare appearances very special. Ninja Turtles ice cream bars with bubblegum eyes and Flinstones push ups were enough to make me run outside as a youngster, and are still enough to make me speed walk toward ’em, gently brushing kids out of my way as an adult. No shame for ice cream.
9. Naps. None of us realized that our days of coloring and practicing cursive were numbered, so we probably didn’t appreciate that extra sleep like we do now. Any opportunity to lie down, close your eyes and do nothing should be taken advantage of, and I can’t see that becoming any less true for the rest of life.
10. Popping bubble wrap. Sometimes I wonder how any bubble wrap exists because I can’t imagine it not being popped by some elated bubble wrap making company’s employee immediately following its creation. Somebody out there has remarkable restraint and resolve, allowing those bubbles to remain intact.
11. The toy aisle. 95% of the time, one of those toy aisles has something that catches your eye and either makes you consider purchasing now, or openly complain about not having such spectacular gizmos during your childhood. One of the most disappointing realizations in life is that we can’t buy things from the toy section until we’re too old to enjoy them quite as much.
12. Wanting to eat bowls of cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And not just any cereal, I’m talking about all of the sugary ones associated primarily with children. We don’t want five oversized bowls of Fiber One — we want Fruit Loops, Cocoa Puffs and Cookie Crisp.
13. Hopping aboard the swings at empty schools and parks. One of the great dilemmas of my twenties has been trying to discover a way to take advantage of the rare occasions to swing at a public playground without looking one, psychotic and two, like a pedophile. I usually just go for it and hope onlookers label me unstable over potential predator. 
