Chrissy Stockton

The gang was not interested in robbing Jessica Simpson because her purses weren’t real leather.

Even if things are as bad as they could possible be, and as meaningless, then matters of truth are themselves indifferent; we may as well please our sensibilities and, with as much spirit as we can muster, go out with a buck and a wing.

The quota of timed jumping in the air photos for the entire world has been met now. Thank you for your cooperation.

If your life wasn’t hard enough already, keep in mind that you could have a rare disorder that makes you reek of nasty fish odor!

You know the saying “all’s well that ends well?” That’s how we perceive events. If something had a great climax and a great ending, we don’t care how crappy the rest of it is, we’ll remember it positively.

There is an urban legend about a man in a rabbit costume who attacks people with an axe.

“One could, with some freedom of expression, call Jesus a ‘free spirit’—he cares nothing for what is fixed.”

I like feeling connected to the entirety of a person–the physical and the emotional and the rational. It means there’s more to me than what’s rational.

Your online dating profile says you like to engage in “witty banter” which no one who is actually witty has said. Ever.

I think having the right D in your V is what most people spend their lives trying to do, to put life into really vulgar terms.

Scientists are the most beautiful when they are talking about the limitations of science. You can never do an experiment as many times as there are possible outcomes. This is why the scientific method produces theories, not facts. You can’t be an atheist because I’d respect you more if you had a wrong hypothesis than a wrong life-altering metafact.

Are there ghosts? Are there aliens? Could Jurassic Park really happen? Why or why not? Do you sometimes LOL at Bill O’Reilly or does he make you feel too bleak?