Chrissy Stockton

if unhappy is your default setting, other people can’t afford to be around you.

There’s basically a giant space ship at the bottom of the ocean.

God didn’t realize you were going to be a lesser person in advance and give you a tiny penis to identify you as such.

If some ability in men’s bodies went away after age 35 we sure as hell would a) have a cure by now and b) not shame them for wanting to discuss it.

There is no reason to know this information.

“I’m too old to be a professional athlete now”

He waited until his girlfriend was asleep and then did this:

Basic people talk about their neighbors all the freaking time!

Everything you know about your place in the universe and what will happen to your soul has gone has gone from snuggling comfortably on the couch in fuzzy PJs to, well, imagining that you may burn in hell if you are wrong.

Read Mindy Kaling’s Twitter feed.

This is how you felt about drugs in fifth grade, and this is how you feel now.

You’ve never said the phrase “you just set the women’s movement back 50 years.”