Chrissy Stockton

When you need someone to open up about something, have them drive you somewhere.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Gays.

If your school is in a snowy area, cafeteria trays make great sleds.

Rob has a favorite sister, and it’s Kylie.

I is for iPhone, your standard issue best friend forever.

End up taking pulls of chocolate syrup directly out of the squeezie bottle that you found buried in the condiment shelf in your fridge. Note that the expiration date was 4 months ago. Keep squeezing.

“Someone had actually been living in their attic.”

“His mother and her boyfriend walked in on us so many times it wasn’t even embarrassing anymore… Until she almost saw me naked, tied to his computer chair with his gamecube controllers.”

“Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!”

Although I hate using this word I have been oppressed for being a white male.

Dropping a penny off the side of the Empire State Building could kill someone.

You have a “Coexist” bumper sticker….on your bike.

You’re totally going to throw up tonight!

The Royal Tennenbaums almost cost us Arrested Development!

“If tomorrow the world ends–why shouldn’t we be with the ones we really love?”

The bull shark can migrate up rivers, so it’s not even limited to oceans–it’s been spotted as far up the Mississippi as Illinois.

‘As a petite girl I can attest to the fact that big dicks are overrated.’

Unless, of course, your goal is to follow secret option #4: stay unhappy.