Chrissy Stockton

I dedicate this book to George W. Bush, my Commander-in-Chief, whose impressive career advancement despite remedial language skills inspired me to believe that I was capable of authoring a book.

I was childhood friends with a murderer.

Here are the most popular posts from Sept. 9-16.

I worked at Blockbuster video a few years ago, and I got to tell Al Gore that he owed us 1.50 because he returned “I Love You Man” late.

I like my men to look like they just came from chopping wood out back, which seems to be the exact opposite of the NYC aesthetic.

Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

I feel like being a bridesmaid in a wedding is like being made to sit at the metaphorical kid’s table of life.

Christians pretend to believe in the god of the bible but instead worship some divine gumball machine.

“Running is my private time, my therapy, my religion.”

They dissolved some bro in a bathtub. I heard it was way icky.

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

The Blue Jays won their second world series (in a row) and I ended up in a parking lot with five other guys…

“It’s freeing to be able to experiment with sex without having to be single.”

“I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that.”

ICYMI: Here are the most popular posts from Sept. 1-8.

I know you all hear the word feminist and you’re like “Gross!” right? I’m totes not like that.

It’s Saturday! Ignore the pressure to accomplish anything more than laughing at animals riding around on a Roomba.

“If a book or movie never finished, then you don’t fully appreciate it, or enjoy it as much because you weren’t able to complete it.”