Chrissy Stockton

“2. Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.”

When you are married you’ve reached the end of the story, at least in our faulty cultural understanding of how your life is supposed to work. When you are single, anything can happen.

When i lost my v-card. He cried in fetal position then got up and proposed. I nervously smiled and hugged him. We went to sleep. Never spoke of it again.

The deep, forgiving cushion of your favorite armchair as you sink in to change the world via the Macbook warming your lap. The inviting “like” button on status updates from area non-profits.

When I was 14 I took the garbage out after dark.. it was 7:30pm.. I had literally just checked the clock before I went outside and when I got back inside it was 10pm. I lost 2.5 hours without noticing it and have no idea what happened.

A wedding now is more of a status symbol about having reached a life milestone and less of a celebration of any kind of love.

Girlfriend’s dad walked in to show us a bayonet he’d just purchased, I had my hand in her shirt.

It’s like a story problem in math class versus straight up equations.

“Anything that looked like/was the same size and shape of a penis, I tried it out in my vagina.”

When she got way existential.

“Truth is not something one person might possess and another not possess.”

“He sits up, looks over her shoulder, and sees what she’s doing, still in her sleep: loading his revolver.”

The harder the opinion is to hold, the more appealing it becomes to figure out how I can rationalize having it.

“I was called a slut for being a woman out at night.”

“The recycle bins at Seaworld also just get emptied into the dumpster. They are just there to make the visitors feel better.”

“The 5 Best Compliments My Dick Has Ever Gotten”

She never learned how to type, so she was never mistaken for a secretary and was never made to do menial work–because she simply lacked this ability.

“How old do you have to be until you grow your condom?”