20 Cynical Quotes About Relationships That Will Make You Glad You’re Single And Free

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. Oscar Wilde

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. Katharine Hepburn

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she’s a householder. Thornton Wilder

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. Henny Youngman

Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. St. Jerome

I married beneath me, all women do. Nancy Astor

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They’re too considerate to get married. Finley Peter Dunne

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory. Abraham Lincoln

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives. Samuel Johnson

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. Eddie Cantor

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. Madameoiselle de Rieux

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. Helen Rowland

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. Honore de Balzac

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Knocked Up

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. Oscar Wilde

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books. Alan King

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx