9 Totally Sweet Silver Linings Of Getting Knocked Up
1. Unlimited excuses to leave a situation you don’t want to be in
As a parent, you can be assured to routinely leave work on time because “you have to pick the kids up.” No questions asked. No one assumes you’re leaving because you’re lazy or unwilling to put in the hours.
Additionally, if there’s ever a day you really just need a mental health day, you can call in and say your kid is sick. Boom. Entire day to yourself.
2. Unconditional love
It probably gets a lot easier to deal with romantic rejection or life stressors when you have someone that loves you and respects you unconditionally for at least the next 10ish years. With all the instability in your life, it’d be nice to have this one constant.
3. Entry into premium dating pools
You meet a lot of new people as a parent and you have conversation starters and an excuse to talk to all of them (comparing kids). You have now gained entry into the sacred temple that houses hot soccer dads and sensitive divorcées. Make a play date and enjoy.
4. An opportunity to relive your own childhood
Was your own childhood disappointing? No worries, you’ve been given a second chance. Buy all the toys you wish your parents bought you and force them upon your offspring. Teach them to be good at football so they don’t get cut from the team, like you did. Don’t listen to what others say about letting your child be an individual, you CAN live vicariously through their successes.
5. Potential for big money
One day a 17-year-old in Canada got knocked up and had to go to a home for unwed mothers. 19 years later she is rich as FUCK off her kid, Justin Bieber, and dating celebrities and living in mansions. This approach also worked for such entrepreneurial women as Kris Jenner and Lynn Spears.
6. Candy
It’s pretty obvious that the best kinds of food are those eaten by kids and considered ‘inappropriate’ for adult consumption. When you have kids you get to eat fish sticks, mac and cheese, and copious amounts of gummi bears all over again.
7. Stay at home potential
If you’re really lucky, you might get to be a stay at home parent and arrange ‘play dates’ with your friends where the kids occupy themselves and you get to gossip/sangria the day away.
8. Sweet base
Kids like to play outside. Running around after them on the lawn/at the beach affords you the opportunity to get a nice tan.
9. Cultural acceptance
No group of people are more appreciated than single moms, or even moms in general. You have an immediate identifier you can tell people and they will know who you are and what you’ve accomplished in life. Plus, if you are even on a reality show, you’ll probably get a lot of votes via the mom card. 
