Every 20-Something’s Wishlist

(1) Family who is supportive from a comfortable distance
(1+) Overseas trips to help us forget/remember how insignificant our slice of the world is
(3+) 30-something friends to ease our anxieties about aging, remind us that we’re overreacting about almost everything, etc.
(1) Friend with a cute baby that we can hang out with/ abandon on a whim (at least until we’re ready for something more committal)
(Infinity) Politicians to stay out of our bedrooms, doctor’s offices, churches, etc.
(1) Millionaire mentor who feels like paying off our student loans “just because”
(1) Pet that doesn’t piss or make noise when it isn’t supposed to
(1) Friend whose swanky job benefits everyone they know
(1) Rent-controlled apartment
(1) Significant other who has their own friends, interests, and life
(1) Job that offers health insurance and doesn’t make us want to go outside and break copy machines with baseball bats
(2) Exes who are OBSESSED WITH US (JK, obsessed exes suck)
(Infinity) Co-workers that don’t look at our computer screens when walking by
(1) Piece of furniture that didn’t come from IKEA
(Infinity) Neighbors who mind their own business
(1) Friend with a car (obviously)
(1) Reliable drug dealer who doesn’t send out mass text messages about his new “product”
(1) Kind person to share their Netflix account with us
(1) Bar where everybody knows your name
(2) Roommates who feel like family (except for the sharing food part)
(1) Change of address that gets our alma mater, our exes, and our bill collectors off our backs
(1) Friend to teach us how to download and then watch torrents (seriously you guys, it’s not intuitive)
(Infinity) People who find us attractive, inside and out
(1) Boss who respects us
(1+) Person who offers to come over with soup when we’re sick
(1) Washer/ dryer combo — c’mon. Please?
(1) Landlord who can be reached without having to resort to carrier pigeon or smoke signals
(2) Minor league crushes that will never come to fruition because did we mention that we have (1) significant other who has their own friends, interests, and life?
(Infinity) Marathons of our favorite TV show when it’s cold outside
(6) Friends to participate in a ritual Happy Hour every Friday night
(1) Outfit that makes our body look halfway normal
(3) Restaurant owners that know us on a first-name basis
(1) Friend who’s always on Gchat
(Infinity) Good books to read
(3) Friends who continue to send us new music long after we’ve given up on trying to figure that out for ourselves
(1+) Sense of purpose to help us feel like we’re not just alive and taking up space
(1) Place to spend the holidays, when our families live too far way
(1) Christmas bonus from our cool, health-insuranced job
(10+) People to show up to our birthday parties
(1) Reality check: if we have even one of these things, we’re doing pretty damn well