Chelsea Fagan

It is easy to turn them into a monster. You can assume the worst and risk nothing when it comes to your own relationship. You stand to gain nothing by being friends with them, by being kind, by giving them the benefit of the doubt.

When you are committed to the idea of “not giving up” because that is what we have been told, over and over, is the ultimate sign of weakness.

13. The person who doesn’t put their phone down when they get to the cash register to order something and acts like the cashier is interrupting their precious conversation.

Think about the casting choice for Cosette, but then remember that that whole role is kind of lame and, meh, Amanda Seyfried isn’t too offensive.

t is your job, as a friend, to answer important questions honestly when they are presented to you. Very few people in your friend’s life are going to be up-front about the fact that their new lover is absolutely repulsive.

So much of my life has been consumed with this search for love, for approval, for being perceived as beautiful even when I don’t feel that way myself.

8. Not being invited to a party is the second-worst thing that can possibly happen to you, after being invited to said party out of pity or obligation.

15. Tell them a secret that you’ve never told anyone before and really trust that they’re going to keep it.

Your checking account is not ready to handle buying brand-name cereal, so the idea of getting a place with a nursery and all of the things it would take to stock it only makes you laugh/cry like a hyena.

My entire body aches with this pulsing need to be reunited, but not as much as I anticipate the season three premiere.

Everything is voluntary. Everything is a step you make in their direction, something you actively choose to do because you want to be around them, to get to know them.

For these salespeople, “no” is a word that has no meaning in any language. It is simply a sound that a customer utters meaninglessly, like the bleat of a distracted sheep.

Lady Gaga’s first words were “I can’t wait to have a gay son so we can go shopping together!”

I only call you names because I know you are in fact the opposite of these things, and therefore can withstand the absurd harshness of their use with complete indifference.

But just so we’re clear: she is hot. Hotter than you. She is smart. Smarter than you. She is desired — much more than you. When she goes out, people notice her.

7. Feeling extreme emotional attachment to Loki, only partly because Loki is played by someone as hot and dapper (and, lest we forget, British) as Tom Hiddleston.

And it is in that spirit that I bestow upon the Thought Catalog community at large my time-honored drink that has long been a staple of every pre-Thanksgiving gathering amongst friends. We use it as a much-needed excuse to get drunk while wearing fancy clothes (a must for any holiday occasion) and so should you.

6. You can’t pour ranch dressing on your lover to make them less bland.