Chelsea Fagan

The difference between a mediocre day and an awesome one can be as simple as allowing yourself to go into a vaguely catatonic state under a scalding-hot showerhead for a few minutes. We all owe ourselves the occasional pleasure.

I hate to use this word, as it pretty much no longer has any meaning in modern society, but he just seems like such an enormous hipster. Like, we get it, you’re unique and thoughtful and not some run-of-the-mill hot movie star.

I mean, don’t get me wrong — you’re beautiful. You’re just beautiful in a more approachable, realistic way. You’re beautiful in the way a random girl at the grocery store could be beautiful: arresting, sure, but not completely unbelievable.

To say “I won’t date someone unless they are smart, kind, career-oriented, capable of compromise, and healthy” is far easier than to say “I won’t date someone until I am all of these things and more.”

Sometimes you just want to punch the baby.

Basically, if you’re the couple that just stands on the sidewalk for extended periods of time and boops noses together in between makeout sessions and sweet nothings, you deserve to get breadcrumbs thrown at you.

If you’re the sort of person who sees the best in love, who wants to believe that things are going to work themselves out and end on an emotionally fulfilling high note, you are bound to be beaten up by the reality of life.

I don’t care what anyone says, a huge amount of 1D’s success stems from the fact that they have adorable little British accents.

It is not your job to be the Manic Pixie Dream Homewrecker who swoops in and takes them away from a relationship you perceive as not as good as it could be with you.

There are going to be periods of loneliness, and everyone experiences them. Though the first response of those around us is often one of “oh, come on, you have so many friends,” there is no reason that we need to force that feeling of solitude away.

And how could we expect to draw any ethical lines in the sand about using children at Westboro Baptist Church protests or anti-gay marriage rallies if we are not willing to do the same when it comes to our own political beliefs?

Kiss her lightly. Understand just how many boys have kissed her too hard, too fast, too sloppily.

You are the girl that every girl asks “OMG WHAT PRODUCT DO YOU USE” when you post selfies on your blog. You have got the perfect combination of length, well-conditioned softness, and complete absence of ugly breakage or split ends.

Treat yourselves to a nice dinner out at a fancy place when one of you gets a Groupon for it. Order dishes made for two and laugh when the waiter and other diners look at you bizzarely.

People keep telling you to join OKCupid. They tell you that there are other people out there for you, and that you broke up for a reason, and that you have to get back out there and try, or you’ll never fall in love again.

Everyone hates you and your stupid relationship. Everyone secretly makes fun of your constant back-and-forth of “love u baby” on your respective timelines. Everyone is going to quietly rejoice when the two of you finally break up — and you will.

And yet, everywhere from the lyrics of One Direction songs to the judgmental commentary of bare-faced friends, the societal feelings about what it means to be a girl who changes her appearance are hard not to notice.

Talk about the party you went to last weekend, even though you literally just sat in the corner the entire time and played with/talked to the house pet.