Chelsea Fagan

First, one must understand the circumstances of the Girl Pee. As we have generally not been blessed with a protruding organ for indiscriminate urination, we must find our own accommodations when not provided with a safe space in which to let loose.

You got your JNCO jeans, you got your tickets to Ozzfest, you got your studded bracelets — you are ready to dip into that Early-2000s Girl honeypot.

But the problem is so much deeper than simply showing that you have a few rape-apologists on your roster of field reporters. You are telling the victim in this case, every time she turns on her television, that she has done something horrible and cruel to these two poor boys by speaking out against her assault.

And it turns out that the musician Pogo, who has become quite famous from his remixes of movies posted to YouTube, has run into trouble with border control in America.

Saying goodbye is most difficult when there is a part of you which believes it is only a “see you later.” You would never fully admit it, but you intend on seeing them again.

When you grow up (whenever that is because, let’s be real, you’re already well into your twenties and still consider yourself a fetus), you want to be a lawyer. No, wait, a dancer.

The response to her decision to judge other women based on how many people they date has become to do it to her, en masse, with absolutely no remorse. We’ve come full-circle on our slut-shaming, and see nothing strange about this.

If you don’t provide the people with adequate amounts of easily-accessible toilet paper, someone (and you’ll never find out who) is going to be wiping themselves on a hand towel.

Read a book from your childhood that you used to love, and remember all of the things about it that made you first fall in love with reading. Highlight your favorite parts, and maybe even make some of the quotes into art for your walls.

It appears that the Internet Gods have heard my muffled cries of agony and have ended the few day-long dry spell of no new things to ogle.

If you are even slightly unconvinced by the word “no” in all its perfectly-clear-unless-you’re-being-willfully-obtuse forms, you are never going to be good in bed.

It will be like loving a brick wall. You are head over heels enamored with everything they are, and all they can see is this ugly collection of flaws and how undeserving they are of your love.

When we say that we want love, we often forget just how much of it we have. A friend recently told me, “I don’t know what I want to do with my life — I feel like everything is on full volume, and I can’t just listen to one song.”

Not learning something as quickly as other people do, even if someone tells you that this particular math problem is “way too easy” and something “anyone” could do.

It’s not as though my entire friendship with him was a ruse to get him in bed, I genuinely fell for him over the course of getting to know him, and upon being rejected, remaining in such close proximity was beyond my ability to undertake.

Thank you for showing me that a woman can be so much more than what has been carved out for us, that we are not bound to be housewives or mothers or perpetually unfulfilled career women.

When we are waiting for someone important, someone who promised that you were going to be a priority and who insisted that they would do what they say, the silence is devastating.

I was the only woman in the room at the time, and likely the only person who understood how offensive it was to carry on something like that in front of a tight-knit social group — especially on your own girlfriend.