Chelsea Fagan

“Umm,” started a recent anonymous message I received on Tumblr, which is never a good beginning for anything. “It’s kind of obnoxious that you alternate between skinny outfit pictures and fat food pictures on Instagram. We get it, you can eat whatever you want.”

Spend time apart. Like, a lot of time.

Pick sexy his and hers Halloween costumes. Sure, it’s always fun to go as things like a plug and an outlet, or Teletubbies, or other unsexy, foam-based things.

1. Carrie And Big. Let’s start with the big (ahahaha) couple here, because they are obviously the tedious and vaguely-emotionally-abusive stars of the show.

New York City is just incredibly overrated, and yet people insist on acting like unpaid PR people for it. And these are the 10 biggest reasons why that’s bullshit. 1. People get overjoyed about the most objectively garbage living spaces.

She gets on wait lists for the new “It” bag, which she knows is the “It” bag because it has been declared so by the magazines and editors she follows religiously.

In my experience – and the experience of many people I’ve met who have also met their goals – your weight specifically is going to be about 80 percent diet, and 20 percent activity.

Wearing nice underwear.

You feel genuinely mystified when you see grandiose displays of affection on social media, as though you’re missing a fundamental part of your brain.

Hey. Yeah, you, with the anxiety.

Accept the fact that it’s not going to happen. Force yourself to say it out loud, if necessary.

I’ve been out of high school for nearly a decade now, so I’m unsure if there actually are any DMB fans still out there. But I assume that there are, and that they’re still the worst.

You are meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time at a quiet brunch spot in your city.

“Are you not going to be fun anymore?”

If someone messes up because you didn’t tell them what you wanted, you can only blame yourself.

I’m a 26-year-old American woman, which means that people assume I have a specific set of interests, usually falling into some kind of bell curve of femininity.

I love my friends, and like most people, I have a handful who live in my real-life MySpace top 8 – my very best friends.

There are many kinds of porn in this world. There is porn porn, there is food porn, there is travel porn, and then there is my least favorite genre of all, General Lifestyle Porn.