Chelsea Fagan

This post originally appeared on The Financial Diet.  When Taylor Swift sang “Find out what you want, be that girl for a month,” I cringed into another dimension — because I very much used to be that girl.

Let them go by remembering that there will be another one.

A few succulents in adorable, tiny pots. Because the easiest way to take a scene from “afternoon in my boring living room,” to “vaguely earthy, Kinfolk magazine-esque minimalist perfection” is a few succulents.

People are still making foods out of bacon that are filled with bacon, and pretty much every time I open my Facebook feed now, there is at least one auto-play video that is teaching me how to make some 1200 calorie per serving appetizer that is at least somehow based on bacon.

Texting someone you like way, way, too much, and asking all of your friends repeatedly if you seem insane or they hate you (you seem a little insane, they don’t hate you).

Find someone who loves you deepest when things are coldest, when you need it more than ever, when the summer and its long nights and chance encounters are half a year away.

1. The New Yorker who walks in like they are God’s gift to this shithole bar, ordering top shelf booze, wearing a fur vest, and generally being too good for whatever is going on. 2.

The one who says they love you and means it, because friend-love is no less special or in need of being expressed than romantic love.

1. This is your chance to read all of those horrifying celebrity rags with stories about one Kardashian being pregnant by another Kardashian’s husband.

The Holy Grail of Thanksgiving sides, cornbread stuffing is proof that something good came out of the (admittedly horrifying) Thanksgiving origin story, and that something truly incredible can be made out of slightly stale bread.

Basically half the show is Olivia, the executive, swanning around in a fabulous cream wrap coat, walking places and looking for the perfect cashmere mock-turtleneck to go with her new pencil skirt.

Give them the breakup that is real, so they will know, from then on, that the only time it’s over is when it has actually ended.

Full disclosure: I’ve been to Texas a few times before, but when I was too young and foolish to make snap judgments about a place. Also, I’m in Dallas. But we’re gonna say this applies to all of Texas.

1. Wear red lipstick. That really bright kind that you always try on in Sephora, love, but ultimately decide against because it doesn’t feel “like you.” You are definitely red lipstick girl. 2.

I wish I knew that when he doesn’t call you for one, two, six days in a row, it’s not because he’s playing hard to get – it’s because he’s not interested.

Never let anyone convince you that modern love means saying only 20 percent of what you mean and making sure you always keep the upper hand.

1. There’s a weird grey area in friendship/acquaintanceship that is neither “nice person you barely know but see sometimes on Facebook” and “real friend you will make actual time to see/call/chat with.” They’re the people who you’ll never actually forget…

Candy Corn is addicted to meth and tries to have sex with your sister.