Charlie Shaw

I was 19 and found my female roommates video of Real Sex on HBO. Her name was Candy and she was a “play date” for a guy that was obsessed with being a baby. He was in his 40’s.

Sister in law only bought a windshield wiper for the driver’s side.

I know a girl who is living in Oregon waiting for her stepfather to get out of jail so that they can get married. He’s in jail for having a relationship with a minor (her).

I absolutely need to control the wireless router. Try to make this a criteria when looking for a room. I also talk to myself using radio procedure. “Alpha six Charlie, be advised, sandwich is coming up, ETA four mikes. Copy that alpha six bravo; we’re waiting for it. Over.”

This video. The spectre lunges towards the camera at the bottom right, but makes a sudden direction change, disregarding the impulse that a physical object would have.

The United States government said that they were testing smoke screens in St. Louis to protect against Soviet aerial attacks in the 1950s. They were actually spraying citizens with radioactive particles to study the effects.

Sometimes I’m scared to go get stuff from the attic, spiders are terrifying. But I do it anyways.

Katherine Heigl was a real bitch in High School. She would walk around like a little diva and all the teachers hated her (she was about 2 years into film career). One of the best stories is when her manager accompanied her into a class asking for less homework and less work and the teacher apparently just lost it.

Well, I’m a ginger with a goatee and a receding hairline. Thinking maybe I’ll just buzz my hair down the middle, wear a black t-shirt and be Louis C.K.

A breakfast sandwich with eggs and jelly is awesome. And meatballs slow cooked with jelly and ketchup is also really good. JUST TRUST ME, I KNOW KARATE.

This kid I knew had no legs because his parents were agent orange victims in Vietnam. During the beginning of the school year he would find groups of confused young freshmen, and “fall” out of his wheelchair at them only to scream “I have no legs.”

Fatherless, motherless and born without skin, I speak when I come into the world, but never speak again. What am I?