Charlie Shaw

Sometimes I’m scared to go get stuff from the attic, spiders are terrifying. But I do it anyways.

Katherine Heigl was a real bitch in High School. She would walk around like a little diva and all the teachers hated her (she was about 2 years into film career). One of the best stories is when her manager accompanied her into a class asking for less homework and less work and the teacher apparently just lost it.

Well, I’m a ginger with a goatee and a receding hairline. Thinking maybe I’ll just buzz my hair down the middle, wear a black t-shirt and be Louis C.K.

A breakfast sandwich with eggs and jelly is awesome. And meatballs slow cooked with jelly and ketchup is also really good. JUST TRUST ME, I KNOW KARATE.

This kid I knew had no legs because his parents were agent orange victims in Vietnam. During the beginning of the school year he would find groups of confused young freshmen, and “fall” out of his wheelchair at them only to scream “I have no legs.”

Fatherless, motherless and born without skin, I speak when I come into the world, but never speak again. What am I?

I’m fairly sure my son and daughter are having sex with each other.

Bill Murray, because who would believe me?

Interviewers like candidates who take initiative! Even if they haven’t asked for a drug test, bring a urine sample.

Found on AskReddit. 1. duce_ The Good The Bad And The Ugly. Ennio Morricone created an amazing soundtrack for that movie, for any of you wondering it’s called The Ecstasy of Gold.

It would solve a lot of problems if men broke up with women only after they’re absolutely certain this is what they want. Try picturing her sleeping with someone else. Can you stomach that? If not, then I would recommend re-evaluating your decision.

Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston as Dr. Tim Whatley, Jerry and Kramer’s dentist.

Fanny. Sorry but that word does not mean butt. It means vagina.

A Chinese commercial for breast stimulators.

Boom.

I had dreams every night of a crowd of faceless people with a little boy standing in front. He never spoke but I could tell he was trying to tell me something.

Yeah, no, not kidding. Wish I was! But I’m not.

The sandy and rocky terrain of the Sahara desert in western Algeria.