Charlie Shaw

On one of our first dates, my wife and I decided to go to a park in Chicago just to walk around. After we left, we realized that we were not at the park we thought we were at, and we read the next day that there was an armed mugging at the park we thought we were at.

I went on a date once with a guy who intended to study mortuary science. He asked me how I’d feel about taking a cold bath before sex, and then staying very still throughout. I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough!

A friend of mine always tells the story of his encounter with Bill Murray. Whilst walking home from a near-by Dominoes pizza back to the house, Bill Murray comes up behind my friend, takes the pizza and runs away with it shouting “No one’s going to believe you!”

I work on a hospital unit that has a large amount of security cameras. One day, myself along with at least for other staff members witnessed one of our nurses walk off the unit, over to our meal cart (full of eaten trays), and proceed to eat from the scraps. She was stuffing food in her mouth and her pockets.

Living on the West Coast, my friend would show the East Coast feed of the NYE count down to her kiddos. They were always in bed by nine. Brilliant.

Rob Schneider goes down to Home Depot and pays the migrant workers to go to his house and choke him in the shower.

My wife, who ruined my life and bailed on both me and my son, ended up running away with her brother and having his baby.

It’s been proven that the long-term effects of marijuana on our bodies is far less detrimental than all other drugs, including alcohol. To claim that marijuana is deadly is deceptive.

My boyfriend slept with my roommate right before we started dating. He still doesn’t know this but she got pregnant and had an abortion.

Found on AskReddit. 1. P.Diddy. I briefly worked as a cleaner/server/skivvy in P. Diddy/Sean Comb’s house in East Hampton when I was a teenager. He was a huge douche, sadly.

“It was sucking on my eyelids for like 10 minutes.”

I squeal “bunny!” in a very high pitch voice whenever I spot a bunny.

24. Girls who don’t like it when their man spends too much time with his friends.

He told us he was gay. We believed it was immoral, but he defied us. He was kicked out 3 years ago.

Christina Aguilera went to my high school (North Allegheny). My psychology teacher said she was a bitch and smelled like uncooked hot dogs.

It’s hard enough being with a guy who matches his socks to his belt loops better than you could’ve imagined. So to save you some stress, here’s a list of gift ideas for your dude with impeccable style.

During the in person interview phase I tend to look at people’s fingernails.

My father was a 911-call taker. The worst calls he got were suicide calls where pretty much all he heard was someone immediately saying “hello, my name is John doe and I live at 123 abc Street and I’m going to kill myself…bang.”