Charlie Shaw

Danish teacher here. A 1st grader came up to me, looked my straight in my eyes and said nothing for ten seconds. Then she spoke, telling me how she wished the “blood red pigeons from the lake would come to take her away.”

Calling the teacher mom by accident was easily the most awkward. All the other kids look at you like you just shit yourself, meanwhile the teacher is at a loss of words.

A new mother wanted her boyfriend’s name tattooed on the chest of her 5-month-old son.

I work at a recycling center and just the other day someone threw a dead cat into the cardboard shredder.

For websites like washingtonpost.com that allow you a certain number of free stories per month before you hit a paywall, just delete the cookies from the site and it will reset your count. Alternatively, you can browse it in incognito mode.

In WWII the majority of American spies were captured in Europe due to their table manners. Unsure if that’s a real thing, but it’s what my European grandfather told me.

Taylor Swift came to a cafe in Nashville that my friend worked in. My friend served her and she was, of course, incredibly high maintenance. Before she left, she said, “Who should I make your tip out to?” My friend was confused, then realized that Taylor was leaving her an autographed photo as a tip.

I read AP exams in the past. Most memorable was an exam book with $5 taped to the page inside and the essay just said, “Please, have mercy.”

Just because we find other women attractive, it doesn’t mean we find you any less attractive or would leave you for a stranger that passes by.

I was putting my son to bed when he was about 5, and after the bedtime story, right when I was tucking him in and turning out the light, he said “Nipples. I love ’em. What about you?” with this totally serious expression.

“She will hopefully go to the store” means she will go to the store, full of hope. NOT that we hope she will go to the store.

“I’m friends with all my exes, but I hate other girls. Ugh!”