Charlie Elliot

They’re really awful.

The next morning I left my apartment to get coffee and there was a giant human turd on my porch with a note that said, “you shit on my heart so I shit on your porch. Fuck you.”

Cats are so dumb and it’s funny!

“I cheated on my ex 3 hours before he was flying in to see me to propose.”

Channing Tatum has nothing on these owls.

She has her own bedroom now and she really loves lollipops.

Roll into your Thursday afternoon with some lolz from this silly little lamb.

Why do I want to snuggle it so hard?

The only guy who would label himself a nice guy is one who is reflecting on an excuse about why he doesn’t get the things he wants.

“If you say you’re from Italy they go ‘Oh, I love pasta!’ What does that have to do with anything? Just because I’m from Italy doesn’t actually mean I’m sitting around eating pasta all day.”

You are constantly counting on your fingers to figure out what time it is for them and what they’re doing.

When we would have sex she would tell me what a piece of shit I was and how I was lucky to be having sex with someone as prominent as her.

8. We disappear on people sometimes. It sucks but that’s what happens when we feel like we need to recharge for awhile. Often after we’ve been particularly hurt or are feeling exhausted from a situation we need time to just be on our own, make sense of what happened, and take care of ourselves in our own way.

He said that he really liked me, and wanted to save something for later, not have all of me at once.

This crow is simply parched!

She waited for me outside in her car, took a picture of me when I left the restaurant over an hour later, and quickly drove off.

Why is this a thing?

Lately I’ve been wondering what the point of having a real job is when it seems like any random can go online, sell something utterly stupid, and make a shit ton of money from it.