Things I’m Afraid To Say To The Toxic People In My Life

If only I had stood up to unflinchingly rebut those snide insults instead of plainly stomaching them. Maybe a huffy glare would have also sufficed. Or just some form of indication that I’m actually piqued.

Guess what? I did neither.

Instead I absurdly try to convince myself that it is just human nature to indiscreetly and thoughtlessly expatiate whatever that has been hoisted to our confidence. Just the nondescript and ineffable folly of ours to cuss out at that rival we don’t see eye to eye with. Just a slip of rationalization in a fleeting moment of daftness.

I’m afraid to rebuke, is it that hard to establish some form of respect and consideration in place of plundering one’s morale and poise of self worth? I’m afraid to challenge, that it is rather implicit knowledge trust is the one sentiment you do not ruffle. I’m afraid to castigate, that it took days, months, or perhaps even years for such a predominant bond to form, yet just seconds for you to break it.

I want you to envision such a quandary, stop right there, and experience the wintry, clouded fervor instantly taking over. I need you to be a victim of this.

To you aggravating quidnuncs, I want to put across that the foremost emotion felt isn’t anger, but hurt. After all we still do call ourselves acquaintances (considering how the term ‘friends’ is too conciliatory), and a diminutive connection still grudgingly subsists.

If there’s one thing I feel a pressing need to validate, it is that no thank you, we all have better things to do than be a drat interloper. If it is not yet lucid enough, I’ll be glad to inform you that we actually appreciate the serene fog of ignorance; we just want to be left alone.

I hope you realize how bootless, hollow and insipid the point of networking to be part of the inner circle is. I want to appeal to you, that joining in the back-fence talk has resulted in your misconception of ostentatiousness becoming the trend.

I want you to endure the jape when you find your highly regarded secret now exposed as the latest scoop. I want to knock it into your head that there is absolutely no need to play the rat race. If a shoal identity is what you’re after, you’re on the right track.

But obviously, I can’t negate that a significant amount of heart graze is permeated. Everyone feels it, the pain of backbiting, backstabbing and ultimate betrayal. In a way, your motives have been artfully accomplished. But most importantly though, I hope you know that despite everything, I’m ultimately still at ease. I’m comforted by the fact that at least I wasn’t as thick-headed to irrationally retaliate. And that in itself, is more than enough.