Christopher Hudspeth

If Jesus and Debbi Fields had a prodigy baker child, it would be responsible for creating these heavenly (get it?) morsels.

In my room I have a Christmas Story novelty leg lamp resting on my plastic nightstand, which is why nobody is coming to me with their questions about diversifying bonds, financing a home and having a 401Ks.

Basically a plane ride for terrified flyers is a time to think up all of the scariest worst case scenarios, and believe they’re probably going to happen to you any second.

In no particular order.

10. Mild hallucinations are setting in. Did my puppy just mumble something about Cee Lo Green’s tiny hands and smile with a full set of human teeth?

3. Text message interpreter.

I won’t even begin to try to list the amazing things we’ve had the pleasure of watching Bryant do for all these years because I might run out of Internet.

2. Even if you’re not looking at inappropriate content, when a nosey person comes up behind you and stares at your screen, you get defensive. It feels a lot like if someone walked in the bathroom and watched your boyfriend/girlfriend get dressed.

Special shout out to pita wraps, foods on sticks, and spaghetti for also being incredibly delicious, but essentially impossible to eat without looking like a rabid animal.

1. Labels terrify some people and uncertainty terrifies others.

Maybe you find $5, or win a raffle, or get a Venti for the price of a Grande, or meet Rashida Jones or see Ben & Jerry’s on sale, and suddenly the tables have turned.

3. He’s fan friendly.