Christopher Hudspeth

MOVIE: Evil Dead, being that the remake comes out this weekend, it’s only right that we check out the original.

Couples showing affection during the workout. Yes, we get it, your babe is doing a good job and that’s fantastic, but you don’t have to let him/her know that with congratulatory kisses after each set.

“If you want to do the Steve Urkel dance, all you have to do is hitch up your pants. Bend your knees, and stick out your pelvis, I’m telling you, baby, it’s better than Elvis!”

2. Sports Teams

I’m already dreading watching television at night and being greeted by this creepy trailer at every commercial break.

9. Gasoline.

Your twenties are an experience and opportunity that only lasts for ten years – don’t spend too much of that period searching for non-existent answers and advice from people just as clueless as you are.

Sometimes the universe is just like, “Hey – is this a toilet? Oh, no, it’s [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]’s life, but I’m going to take a dump on it anyway.”

These recommendations are for the weekend: Friday March 29, 2013 thru Sunday March 31, 2013.

4. The I Can’t Wait To Get Home, Put On My Softest Pants And Do Nothing Person

1. The person who insists the back-room is the size of Texas. Dude, it’s probably a 30 square foot room with like 6-10 boxes, two of which are full of clothes hangers. So no, believe it or not we don’t have a medium sized, pewter colored version of that shirt lying around in the back.

Does this stuff come in newsletter form? Is there some exclusive memo or cool-kid-illuminati type of secret society meeting that excludes the rest of us? Or is it called Twitter? Please help.

A moment of pleasure is constantly being chosen over potential years of reliability and happiness. Then, when the flash of indulgence is over, consideration for what has been done begins.

Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.

2. Cheap buffet. Usually I like to wait all to eat, only having a snack here and there – you know, like appetite foreplay.

Yes, they say the early bird gets the worm but only if a productive night owl isn’t there to snatch it first.

Every once in a while, it’s nice to restore your faith in humanity in the same place you often lose it — the internet.

You can’t gauge how loud you are being. Am I breathing like Louie Anderson after he walks a flight of stairs?